'Tis the season of birth... and rebirth

Spring on Earth

Last Friday the Earth emerged from the darkness of winter, whizzing into Spring at about 67,000 miles per hour, and for me it couldn't be more timely. Spring feels especially good this year.

The coming of Spring also brings a celebration to us, Hannu's birthday on the 23rd. Forty-three Springs ago, just as the Earth was beginning to pucker up to the sunlight, a young Dernawi couple in Tripoli, named Abdel Rahim and Safia, were frantically preparing for the arrival of their second child. I imagine they had to get a sitter for their first, 2-year old child, make plans for getting to the hospital, etc. I had the fortune of really getting to know the couple last fall. I can say, they are still young... mentally. In fact, their bodies belong in their generation, but their minds are in the next one. The essence of their mentality was shaped in the years of hope in Libya. Hannu was bathed in that powerful hope, being born three years after the re-unification of Libya had been completed, and three years before its complete destruction was resumed...

Happy birthday, Hannu, and many happy returns. You are the light, warmth and hope in our lives, our eternal Sun. Let me see if you recall some of this updated little message...

"نهارك حليب"

"وليلك حلم وردي!"
عناوين من أحلى مكاتيب
إيميلها وردّي

يا عيد عَودك يجيب
أفكار ... بسمات ... وآمال
نبضات يطرن حبيب
ما زال
هي الطبيب وهي سبب مرضي
وهي دوم شمسي القريب
نور عيني ... دفا جردي

يا عيد عاود من جديد
بأفراح ... سنوات ... وأعوام
لأم غمزات تشفي العطيب
وأبسام تضوي
بانن علي ... خلّنّي نبردي!

On Monday, the kids and I treated Hana to a little party at home, inclding a nice tiramisu cake. I have been looking forward to this time of year because I expected Hana would be better by now. The winter months were rough, with Hana going through the hardest phase of treatment, and the terrible weather adding to the misery. We couldn't take walks, or just go set in the sun and watch the kids play. But now that we're through that, I think maybe it was all for the better that it came during winter. After all, consolidating misery is better than distributing it. Hana is doing much better now, and she is actually able to get out and enjoy being out. She still gets fatigued from the chemo, but the nausea level is much less intense. We are almost back to our night time chats, or "green tea and gurma," as I like to call them. The gurma is definitely back, but the green tea and "other night time activities" are still on hold. lol lol I can't tell you how happy I am to be sharing jokes and "sahari" with Hannu again. When planning the day, I wished I could get the kids to do a little routine, but they are still too young to get organized for an extended period. So, I found a little classic piece from the Bill Cosby show. Here, the Cosbys lip-sync "Night Time Is The Right Time" by Ray Charles. Check out the little toothless girl, and enjoy!

Happy B-Day!

Last week Moody got a "Way to go" award for "perfect math test score." He was very happy and excited and so were we. Way to go Moody!

March 12 was Sol's B-Day... Happy birthday. The kids and Nicole baked him a brownie and surprised him. He celebrated by having a colonoscopy, part of the annual physical check.

And today, is my sister Nahla's birthday. Happy B-Day, Nahla.

Tomorrow, I start the third cycle of treatment. It's 5 days of chemotherapy and 3 weeks break. They are not 3 weeks break since the side effects last during those 3 weeks. I won't be going to work, but asked my friends to not leave me alone and to drop by frequently. I'm a little scared just knowing what it's like having been through it before.

It's been nice, sunny and warm lately and supposed to continue this way. I hope it does so I can go for walks in the park.

Valentine!

My Valentine...

On Friday, he kids had parties in the classrooms. Magda and I decided to surprise them with a visit. Nicole showed up too. Moody and Tala were excited and happy.

Tala lost a tooth on Valentine's Day! Shamsa visited.

Radiation Done!

On February 4, Sol and I went to the daily radiation therapy session. I was not feeling OK that day, but was happy that Magda was coming Friday to stay a week. She touches our life in a very special way, the way the special person she is.

My vitals were not good, high temperature and signs of dehydration. I was admitted. I wanted to, the nausea was unmanageable too. I insisted on staying till I finish radiation on February 10. And the docs agreed. I returned home the 11th, Anas's birthday... Happy Birthday Anas.

On the 10th, I got to ring the radiation bell to mark completion of radiation therapy. Magda's timing was perfect. It was good having her here while I was at the hospital. She helped a lot and the kids love her! Hope she comes back soon.

The following week stayed home on the sofa. A couple of friends visited; some took me out to the mall, a hair cut (needed) and a house visit. some proved stressful and drained me. Turned out I have a phobia of going out still not completely ready.

This Wed., I stared going to work. Got bored with home and the sofa. Going to work made me realize the stuff is still in my system. I'm weak, not at a good energy level. But I still went. Next battle is chemotherapy on March 16 for 5 days then 3 weeks break. I hope this nausea goes away first.

First Sleepover!

Today Tala had her first sleepover at her friend's Rayanne. Ended up dess-up and dress-up and more dresss-up! They had fun!

Tala: I Love Mom!

Back on Track

Last Friday, I was at the end of week3 of chemo-radiotherapy treatment with 2 weeks keft. Soon after Sol left to work, I started having pain in my abdomen, real severe pain. Not to mention the nausea and dry heaves have goton wors that week. Sol came back and took me to the emergency of the closest hospital. They drugged me up, treated the symtoms and sent me home after 5.

It was a terrible night--I couldn't sleep from the nausea and dry heaves. 6 am, we woke the kids and took to OSU's emergency. I had an intestinal obstruction and one of the options was surgery if it does not resolve in couple of days. Thankfully, more tests showed that it's resolving. I remained hospitalized till Thursday to make sure I stabilize.

My therapy was interrupted that week and I though og it a lost week. But now I think it was a break I needed from the side effects. I will start back on Monday for another 3 weeks.

I need to catch up on work next week as I embarked a couple of things and left them in the middle.

!

Message 3: Update

From: Suliman Dregia
To:
Sent: Sunday, November 9, 2008 2:58:53 PM
Subject: Update

Dear family and friends:

It has been while, and an update is past due.

Hana came home on 10/25, and she has been recovering very well and adjusting her eating habits and choices. Couscous does not work very well! But she is able to eat a lot other things. She still needs to tune her response to the hunger stimulus, keeping to small portions even though the stimulus can be intense.

As many of you know, the cell pathology tests found cancer cells in a few lymph nodes (4 out of 27 tested). Of course that means Hana will be going on a regiment of chemo- and radiation therapy. I believe the doctors would have recommended the same even if the pathology results were negative because it could have been a false negative. The lymph nodes were around/close to the tumor. Also, the report said the cells were very well differentiated. Apparently cancer cells "devolve" or regress toward their origin, and become more like stem cells over time. Their being well differentiated is an indication that they are young, and they have not had long to de-differentiate. The doctors' position is they have taken out all the known cancer, and now they must throw everything at it, with the aim of preventing it from coming back.

The treatment is scheduled to begin on November 17th. There will be periods of treatment and periods of recovery, and the whole process will take about 20 weeks (5 months). We know it will be tough, and we will find out how tough in due course. But the fight will continue, and our hopes will remain high.

Thanks for your support. It is still and will continue to be effective and needed.

Suliman

!

Message 2: Update on Hana's Surgery

From: Suliman Dregia
To:
Sent: Thursday, October 16, 2008 9:53:31 PM
Subject: Update on Hana's Surgery

Dear family & friends:

Thank you for the strong support that you have given to Hana and me, it makes a big difference. I also want to apologize for missing some phone calls and not replying to e-mail and phone messages. The last couple of days have been stressful but there is also a lot of good to tell you about.

The surgery was yesterday afternoon, as scheduled, and it went very well. There were no surprises and no complications. The doctor found the tumor and took out the stomach, but he was quite positive about visual examination of other organs and tissue. He did not see any signs of spreading or abnormalities in other nearby organs. Of course they took some lymph nodes and other tissue and those are under testing now. She did not need to go to the ICU, did not need a feeding tube, did not bleed much, and did not need drainage tubes out of her belly. Hearing the doctor's report was very uplifting to all of us.

Hana has been recovering very well. She is actually doing better than she did in previous surgeries. She walked around the 9th floor today, three times, doing several laps each time. Her dad was joking that she might be jogging tomorrow!

It is almost 10 pm now, and I am spending the night with Hannu. She is relaxed, the pain is under control. She is positive and mentally sharp, smiles at my jokes and giggles with her eyelashes. Our next goal is feeding, hopefully within a couple days, then maybe dinner and a movie.

Some of you asked for Hana's room number, etc. Here is the info:

Room 934
James Cancer Hospital
300 W. 10th Ave.
Columbus, OH 43210

Please note that the hospital does not allow live plants or open food products.

We are fortunate to be in your thoughts. Many thanks.

I will keep you posted.

Suliman

!

Message 1: Hana's Health

This is the first email message Sol sent out to family and friends after my diagnosis.

From: Suliman Dregia
To:
Sent: Friday, October 10, 2008 11:40:00 AM
Subject: Hana's Health

Dear family & friends:

We have recently received some very painful news. Hana was diagnosed with cancer of the stomach, late last month, and she is scheduled to have a gastrectomy operation on Wednesday, October 15, at the OSU James Cancer Center . The operation is expected to take 2-3 hours, starting at 12:30 pm, and Hana will stay in the hospital for one week.

The tests conducted so far show only one tumor in the upper part of the stomach. Endoscopy and CT scans do not show any other abnormalities in other organs or lymph nodes. We hope that it is in an early stage, but we will not know with confidence until cell pathology tests are done on lymph nodes and tissue to be taken out in the operation. The doctors say those post-operative tests will take about one week.

On Tuesday Hana's parents are scheduled to arrive from Benghazi, and our friend Magda Fhema from Chicago will also be here to help us through the pain and fear. Hana's older children have been with us since this summer.

I am sorry to bring you this sad news, and in this way. I wish it could be different. But I know we all share in Hana's love and support, and all care deeply about her. Our contact information is as follows:

Hana's e-mail address:
Hana's cell phone:
My cell phone:
Home phone:

I will do what I can to keep you informed of new developments. Please keep Hana in your hopes and your prayers.

Suliman
!

How am I Feeling?

A question no one asks me. It feels like I'm staring death in the face and it is not flinching one tiny bit. Things are out of my control in MY OWN life. I don't know where I'm heading or what's going to happen to me in few months or years. I'm just going along with the treatment hoping the outcome is good. But I keep thinking, what if it is not; why should I endure the suffering of chemotherapy and radiation for months to come? What's the point if there could be no gains? So many thoughts and so many questions all gloomy, none bright.

I have the chemo pump installed, connected to me 24 hours a day and goes with me every where, even in bed. It's my buddy for 4 more weeks. I also have been going to radiotherapy every day at 2:30. That will continue for 5 weeks, one down. Every Monday morning, a nurse will come in to draw blood. If the blood count is good, I go in for a refill of the pump before the radiotherapy session. If all goes well, I will be done around February 3rd. I will then have a break for 4 to 5 weeks before the next terrible chemo cycle.

I was told that the side effects will kick in after the 2nd or 3rd week. Guess what? They kicked in after the 3rd freaking DAY! Nausea and slight fatigue. The bad thing is that I have a reaction to most nausea medicines, they make me agitated. So it's been very hard to control it. Worse still is I do not vomit, since I don't have a stomach, but I have what they call dry heaves. My rib cage muscles hurt from the spasms they go through.

I went to work on Tuesday and Friday (Wed. and Thur. were holidays). Needed it to change the scenery and feel like I'm in control again--a joke! It went OK with me leaving around 1 to go to the hospital everyday. I'm trying to work things out with my manager to see if I could work from home on certain days of the week. I think it will work out.

Yesterday, we had friends over. They brought dinner and their kids. The kids enjoyed the company, had lots of fun and sent a tornado through the basement. We adults had a good time too, chatting and laughing. Reminds me of the saying: "Take time to laugh for it is the music of the soul". It was very nice and thoughtful of our friends.

Today, we're visiting other friends. To me, those visits are a blessing. They make me forget and enjoy myself and the company for a while.
!

'Tis the Season!

On December 17, Sol and I packed lunch and had it at school with Tala and then Moody. They were both very pleased that we did and it made their day. I'm sorry that Mom and Dad didn't get to do that. It was the plan, but then they left quickly and didn't have time to do it.

December 18th was the Holiday Program at school. The kids were all excited. We got synopsis here and there of what's in the program by them rehearsing at home. What we didn't know is that Moody was doing a monologue, Santa's my Buddy! He did awesome!

And It was the Rigney's annual Christmas caroling party on December 21st. It was nice to see them and see the now familiar crowd again.

We have been visiting friends the last couple of nights. Kind of reconnecting after a long time of almost no contact. It was a nice change, especially of the mood. Today, Nick et. al are arriving from Canada for the weekend. We are all waiting anxiously.

On Monday, the 29th, I start on the second cycle of chemo with radiotherapy. The cycle will last 5 weeks with daily radiotherapy sessions and chemo dispensing through a pump 24 hours a day. The last cycle was awful and took me 2 weeks to recover after the last dose of chemo. They tell me the side effects to this one would be milder, but I keep thinking how could they if it's for 5 weeks! Wish me luck.

The holiday tree is up and lit with some gifts under it. Santa will drop by on New Year's Eve with more gifts. Yeepie!

Best wishes for a merry Christmas and a wonderful 2009!

!

From Tala's Teacher

From: Mrs. A
To: dregias
Sent: Tuesday, December 16, 2008 11:52:10 AM
Subject: Tala

I just wanted to let you know that Tala seems to be having a hard time with her grandparents leaving. She seemed sad this morning and when I talked to her about it she started crying and said "everyone is leaving me. My house used to be full and now it's not. And Moody has been mean lately." I suggested that she color a picture for her grandparents and mail it to them.

Playing Go Fish!

Not to tell you what to do, but some ideas could be to continue writing to her grandparents, brother and sister, and talk to them on the phone if possible. Also, Tala could have a friend over or go to a friends house some day after school to give her things to look forward to...again, just suggestions.

Thanks,
A

A Hole in The Family!

Another goodbye before 2009 dawns on us!

Mama and Baba left yesterday, Sunday. They had stayed with us a little over two months. That was very nice of them and a lot to ask for. Their visit was much needed and their help was tremendous. Mama was an angel sent from heaven. She took care of the kids, cooked, cleaned, did the laundry, gave me massages--really took care of me and my family. We all have lots of wonderful memories with them despite the circumstances.

Tala is so sad. "There's a hole in our family," she and Moody keep saying. To me, it felt like the house has ghosts, after we came back from the airport. Oh, it hurts! {sigh}

On a positive note, Sol stayed home today. I went for a blood draw and then we visited The Wellness Community and I did a yoga class there. It was very uplifting and refreshing. I'll be going to more classes.

Now, I'm going to watch some video with my little angel Lalla before her bedtime. Tomorrow is another day...

!

Happy-White-Eid!

!

Email from Tala's Teacher

From: Mrs. A.
To: dregias
Sent: Friday, December 5, 2008 10:12:55 AM
Subject: Tala

Mr. and Mrs. Dregia,

Tala has been expressing sadness about her brother and sister leaving. I suggested she write to them. She brought in a letter and card today for them. I was wondering if it was ok with you if I mailed it. If this is ok, could I please have an address to send the card and letter to?

Thanks,

Mrs. A.

Tala Misses Them Two!

Tala misses Anas and Jana a lot, expressing that in notes and paintings. She has a bunch of them taped to the wall in her room and I find them everywhere in the house. I wish they two know how much she loves them!

I started chemo yesterday. I go to the clinic, receive it through the IV in the mediport and come back home. So far, it's the nausea that's bothering me. Well, it's only 2 days now. We plan to take the kids one of those days so they would see it's not a painful thing to have. Tala has been repeating, "I'm sad my Mom has cancer."

Baba has been talking about going back to Libya soon, after Eid. I wanted them to stay till at least mid January. Finally, I reached a compromise with him that they will not leave before the 22nd. This way they will see the Nut Cracker with us, the Holiday Party at school, and the Rigney's Christmas Caroling.

In the conversation my father said that he just now sees the kids as grandchildren. He said, "I didn't have that connection with them in the beginning." I was thinking about that myself. Just like we needed to build that family tie with Anas and Jana, my parents and Mody and Tala needed the time to build and acknowledge their tie. It's a blessing that they have. We have more memories now. We have had so much rich memories this year than any other time. I am thankful for that!

!

Happy Thanksgiving!

This photo is of "sitting" Cornish hens Mama made the other day

Preparations for the Thanksgiving dinner are on "foot and leg". The dinner table is ready, so are most of the side dishes, the tea table and the fireplace. Moody and Tala were very anxious to help this year. It is a very special Thanksgiving!

Lately we've been spending our days cooking, baking Eid goodies, playing Uno, and board games, watching Arabic TV, and having lots of fun. It's been unusually cold for this time of the year that we are trapped at home most of the time.

Mama, bless her heart, never tires! She cooks delicious meals; Tala bestowed on her "The greatest cook on the world" title. She cleans, organizes closets, does laundry, etc. I can't imaging how we could have been without her. And Baba is always entertaining the kids, and engaging with Sol in intelligent conversations that drags us all in.

Dregias Thanksgiving menu:

• Turkey
• Peach and mango chutney
• Gravy
• Rice with liver, kidney, almonds, raisins and pine nuts
• Candied yams (made with pomegranate concentrate - a dernawy variation)
  
• Green beans casserole
• Baked potato casserole
• Cranberry poppyseed salad
  
• Pecan chocolate chip cookie pie
• Pumpkin pie

Guests: Big drum roll'... Safia and Abdelrahim!
!

Bye Bye, Hair!

My hair had been very long lately. It hadn't been that long for more than a decade. I liked it, maybe for the reason that it always brought me compliments. Since I learned about having to have chemotherapy, and because of the high probability that I would lose my hair, I decided to cut it very short before the treatment. I did cut it on Tuesday, November 11, and donated it to Locks of Love.

Tala insisted that she have her hair cut the same day with me. Sweet supportive Tala! We picked the same hair cut. Tala told the hairdresser, "Mom and I are going to be twins with this haircut."

I was scheduled to start chemotherapy today, but because there are many tests involved to be done before and Thanksgiving coming up, it was postponed till December 1. I was kind of disappointed. I wanted to start and be done with it, reveal the unknown of how I will react. But maybe it's for the best--to allow me more time to get over Jana and Anas leaving and build more strength.

The surgical oncologist is confident that he got all the tumor out with the stomach. But the treatment is needed to increase chances of survival and kill any cancer cells that might have been left behind or have traveled in my body. The doctors say that some people fly through therapy as if it's nothing and some would have a horrendous time. I'm hoping to be somewhere in the middle.

The schedule for the therapy would be as follows:

1. One week of chemo and three weeks rest (1 dose every day for the first week, or 24 hours dispensing from a pump if I'm in the experimental arm of the clinical trial)
2. Five weeks of radiation with chemo pump followed by four or five weeks rest
3. One week of chemo and three weeks rest (1 dose every day for the first week, or 24 hours dispensing from a pump if I'm in the experimental arm of the clinical trial)
4. One week of chemo and three weeks rest (1 dose every day for the first week, or 24 hours dispensing from a pump if I'm in the experimental arm of the clinical trial)

Moody and Tala can't comprehend why I have to take medicine that would make me weak. They keep asking why would the doctor do that to me. We told them what to expect in the coming months and still need to do more talking to help them cope and adjust.

!

Can't Sleep!

Juju and Tala have become very close and developed a special tie. They shared the same room for those four months. Jana would help Tala with her shower, pick her clothes, tidy her toys and closet, with her homework; and Tala always remembered Juju when she got a treat from dance or other places. Tala drew many pictures of her and Juju and decorated them with hearts, o's and x's. She wrote many care/love notes to Juju. We knew they will miss each other more than the rest of us.

Last night, Moody and Tala washed up and came downstairs wearing Anas and Juju's pj's. It was so cute and touching.

A long time after they've gone to bed, Tala came downstairs pouty. She started crying "I can't sleep without Jana in the room. I miss her. I need to sleep with someone." She asked to sleep with Moody in his room and we agreed. She went to bed hugging the purple puppy that Juju left behind. ~~sigh~~

9:36 am: I just received message that the kids arrived in Beirut and talked to them on the phone.

~~sigh~~
!