Sunday, August 29, 2010

Oh, The Fun!

Butterfly @ the Dregias
I started today by paying the bills... a painful chore no matter what! After that, the plan was to tidy up Tala's room, the kids' bathroom, and the guest room. I told Sol that it would not take long; it's basically just organizing the closets. Could I have been any wronger--if there's such an expression?! By the time we finished, I was so depressed and still am. Oh, the junk, the trash, the mess... My goodness--I still can't get over it! I don't think I was that messy or that destructive when I was the kids' age. But, of course, that's for my parents to attest to. Part of the mess is because I have not laid a hand in those areas since I got sick--two freaking years!

Straightening the linen closet, I could not figure out what was clean and what was not. So, I'm in my umpteen laundry load now! Oh, what fun!

To add fuel to the fire, I finally got to make a round on my garden yesterday. What a disappointment. We had long hot dry period that coincided with my treatment, which prevented me from tending to the garden. The cucumbers are all on the ground, about 10 or so, rotten; the basil is all dead; the mint is all dry;  most of the flowers are not doing well at all; my beautiful double-stud rose bush is dry and not blooming anymore! And to add more fuel... Sol decided to spray the weed and it happened to be just the weed near my plants and flowers... Ugh!

I worked on the garden yesterday and today. I cut down a lot of the dry, dead stuff and fed the plants. Not sure if things will revive, but it's a try.

The only thing that makes me feel a little better is the photo above that I took on Friday. While driving into the garage from work, I spotted this beautiful butterfly fluttering by the flower pot by the front door. I managed this snapshot. Just beautiful!

Friday, August 27, 2010

New Beginnings!

This is the password hint in my computer. The kids have tried everything they could think of to figure out the password puzzle to no avail!

Yesterday was Tala's 8th birthday. She had a good time. Baked cupcakes with Nicole the day before and took them to school to share. Later we went to Toys'R'Us for gifts and ended up with dinner at Brio, It was delicious, Gorgonzola crusted lamb chops!

Monday, Generations dance classes started. It will be a busy year for us with Tala in 4 dances, Moody in 2, and Sol in 1. Wednesday, was the first day of school. The kids are happy and excited to be back... It's about time!

There might be new beginnings at work, I hope! And hopefully more good news with my health after this cycle of treatment. The chemo is getting to me!

This post reminds me of the first post on out blog when we started it in 2005, Here it is: First day... in many ways!

Everyday is a first day for something, and there's always a first to everything... So here goes to new beginnings! Keep guessing the passwords kiddos; you will never get it!

Friday, August 20, 2010

What Cancer Can't Do

Cancer is so limited,

It cannot cripple love,

It cannot shatter hope,

It cannot corrode faith,

It cannot eat away peace,

It cannot destroy confidence,

It cannot kill friendship,

It cannot shut out memories,

It cannot silence courage,

It cannot invade the soul,

It cannot reduce eternal life,

It cannot quench the Spirit,

Our greatest enemy is not disease but despair,

That makes us feel so deprived of divine love and guidance!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Welcome Back, Chaos!

Fruits from my garden!
School starts next week, August 25th. Generations starts next week, August 23rd. Tala's birthday is next week, August 26th. All day today, I've been filling forms: school forms, sports forms, dance forms, medical-leave forms, insurance forms; and populating the electronic calendar with all sorts of important days and dates. We will be at Generation 4 days a week this year. And, oh yeah, what do I do with my days? Nothing, I just sit on my bahookie ordering people. For example, I was ordering people all day long today and enjoyed hearing everyone give me the typical "Why me?" I finally got to stop ordering people and did something useful--for a change. I prepared myself a delicious falafel sandwich. And BTW, it's almost 2 pm and my last meal was around 8 am, and I am supposed to have about 6 meals a day to stop losing weight. Well, who cares... or more of who thinks it's important!

I'm spearheading a Eid potluck at work. I visited this middle eastern catering place yesterday to make arrangements and had my fill of tasting their yummy food. I could not resist but come back with loads of food.

It is time to revive Tibra. I asked Sol last night "How do I recruit people to help with Tibra? I need a website designer, a developer and an administrator. Do I make an announcement in the Libyan sites?" Here's how the conversation went--or more died:

Sol: No, it won't work.
Hannu: So, how do I do it?
So: Just let it go. You don't have the time and there's no input to Tibra from anywhere. You can't do it alone.
Hannu (eyes foggy with tears): But I can't let it go! It is my worth. Tibra is part of what I'm worth.

I stopped there when my eyes welled up and tears started streaming down! I hate it when I know there's so much I can do, but feel my hands are tied and need to depend on external factors to accomplish what I want. I'm disappointed how Tibra took to a halt with my ailment. I hate it that people still associate me with Tibra and still praise me for the work I do through Tibra, even though I have not done anything in 3 years! Maybe Tibra has a guardian angel that will reach out to me before it's too late?!

The other day at the James', I sat across a huge sign with Bernie Speyer's picture and his quote ‎"I'm having a good time with life. I've learned to accept my role, find pleasure in my blessings and take advantage of my opportunities." Bernie is the #1 famous Buckeye fan... Real famous! You may read more about him here: For more than 65 years, the Buckeye football team could count on Bernie Speyer’s support. Today, Bernie counts on the Buckeyes.I love his quote so much that I posted it on my Facebook and on my office door at work. Partly because it resonates with me, and partly because some people from work and outside wrote me off already as dying if not dead. Some people come across that way, even though they have the good intentions and just trying to be nice and sympathize. But I don't need sympathy, and I definitely do not need people to be nice to me, or to treat me differently, because I am sick. Sick people are humans, they make mistakes, they could be nice at times, and they could be as mean as could be at other times. If I was a jerk to someone, I want them to still consider me a jerk and hate my guts unless something I did or said convinced them otherwise; not because something happened to me. Sick or not, I am who I am!

I repeat after Bernie...

I continue to find pleasure in my blessings and take advantage of my opportunities.

And I will continue!

Kudos to Bernie, Kudos to me... Yes, I believe in me! Repeat after me...

Monday, August 02, 2010

"You Gave Me Life!"

The last couple of days brought us more challenges to face and deal with. The first concerns my health, the other is some turmoil in my branch in Lebanon that we had been asked to resolve. I've been thinking about the trend in my life lately... It's so rich and busy, if you want to call it that! And I've been thinking about Sol and how his life turned 180 degrees from before he met me... and my baggage.

We were having our evening talk yesterday, and I was sharing with him what I felt. I told him that I don't know what to say, could I say I'm sorry for my ailment, I'm sorry for having kids from a previous marriage? Of course not! How could I be sorry for something out of my control, and how could I be sorry for having Anas and Juju. But still, I feel bad and I feel guilt that I brought all this onto him. And I said, "Look what I brought you. I'm sick, you have to take care of me, the kids, and everything. And you have to deal with the problems arising from my past." He answered me, "You brought me life!"

I love you, Suliman Ahmed Dregia... You gave me life!