Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving!


This photo is of "sitting" Cornish hens Mama made the other day

Preparations for the Thanksgiving dinner are on "foot and leg". The dinner table is ready, so are most of the side dishes, the tea table and the fireplace. Moody and Tala were very anxious to help this year. It is a very special Thanksgiving!

Lately we've been spending our days cooking, baking Eid goodies, playing Uno, and board games, watching Arabic TV, and having lots of fun. It's been unusually cold for this time of the year that we are trapped at home most of the time.

Mama, bless her heart, never tires! She cooks delicious meals; Tala bestowed on her "The greatest cook on the world" title. She cleans, organizes closets, does laundry, etc. I can't imaging how we could have been without her. And Baba is always entertaining the kids, and engaging with Sol in intelligent conversations that drags us all in.



Dregias Thanksgiving menu:

  • Turkey
  • Peach and mango chutney
  • Gravy
  • Rice with liver, kidney, almonds, raisins and pine nuts
  • Candied yams (made with pomegranate concentrate - a dernawy variation)
  • Green beans casserole
  • Baked potato casserole
  • Cranberry poppyseed salad
  • Pecan chocolate chip cookie pie
  • Pumpkin pie
Guests: Big drum roll'... Safia and Abdelrahim!
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Monday, November 17, 2008

Bye Bye, Hair!

My hair had been very long lately. It hadn't been that long for more than a decade. I liked it, maybe for the reason that it always brought me compliments. Since I learned about having to have chemotherapy, and because of the high probability that I would lose my hair, I decided to cut it very short before the treatment. I did cut it on Tuesday, November 11, and donated it to Locks of Love.

Tala insisted that she have her hair cut the same day with me. Sweet supportive Tala! We picked the same hair cut. Tala told the hairdresser, "Mom and I are going to be twins with this haircut."

I was scheduled to start chemotherapy today, but because there are many tests involved to be done before and Thanksgiving coming up, it was postponed till December 1. I was kind of disappointed. I wanted to start and be done with it, reveal the unknown of how I will react. But maybe it's for the best--to allow me more time to get over Jana and Anas leaving and build more strength.

The surgical oncologist is confident that he got all the tumor out with the stomach. But the treatment is needed to increase chances of survival and kill any cancer cells that might have been left behind or have traveled in my body. The doctors say that some people fly through therapy as if it's nothing and some would have a horrendous time. I'm hoping to be somewhere in the middle.

The schedule for the therapy would be as follows:
  1. One week of chemo and three weeks rest (1 dose every day for the first week, or 24 hours dispensing from a pump if I'm in the experimental arm of the clinical trial)
  2. Five weeks of radiation with chemo pump followed by four or five weeks rest
  3. One week of chemo and three weeks rest (1 dose every day for the first week, or 24 hours dispensing from a pump if I'm in the experimental arm of the clinical trial)
  4. One week of chemo and three weeks rest (1 dose every day for the first week, or 24 hours dispensing from a pump if I'm in the experimental arm of the clinical trial)

Moody and Tala can't comprehend why I have to take medicine that would make me weak. They keep asking why would the doctor do that to me. We told them what to expect in the coming months and still need to do more talking to help them cope and adjust.


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Friday, November 14, 2008

Can't Sleep!

Juju and Tala have become very close and developed a special tie. They shared the same room for those four months. Jana would help Tala with her shower, pick her clothes, tidy her toys and closet, with her homework; and Tala always remembered Juju when she got a treat from dance or other places. Tala drew many pictures of her and Juju and decorated them with hearts, o's and x's. She wrote many care/love notes to Juju. We knew they will miss each other more than the rest of us.

Last night, Moody and Tala washed up and came downstairs wearing Anas and Juju's pj's. It was so cute and touching.

A long time after they've gone to bed, Tala came downstairs pouty. She started crying "I can't sleep without Jana in the room. I miss her. I need to sleep with someone." She asked to sleep with Moody in his room and we agreed. She went to bed hugging the purple puppy that Juju left behind. ~~sigh~~

9:36 am: I just received message that the kids arrived in Beirut and talked to them on the phone.

~~sigh~~
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Thursday, November 13, 2008

Painful Sighs



Just back from the airport. Anas and Jana have left. Their flight was yesterday, November 12, but the Columbus-NY airplane had a mechanical problem and was called off. Now they're gone... and it hurts.

Yesterday, we all went to the airport, including Nicole, the nanny. Sol, me, Moody, Tala, Mama and Baba. Today, it was only me and my parents.

Moody cried so much at the airport yesterday. I didn't think he would. Tala did too after she saw Moody crying. On Sunday, I told Moody that we will miss Anas and Juju, and he said, "I already miss them!" This morning, he was hugging me every few minutes and saying "Please don't cry at the airport today."


Their leaving happened so quickly. October 24, I decided to let them go after learning that I will have to go through six months of chemotherapy and radiation. I thought them leaving is best for everyone, especially since they wanted to go. I wouldn't have sent them if they didn't want to go.


They have spent exactly 4 months and 13 days with us. We are now part of their lives and they are part of our life. They have left. But, they now have rich memories, and family love and connection. Nobody and nothing can ever take that away from them, or us.

I hope they come back soon...



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Thursday, November 06, 2008

I Made History!

November 4, 2008 was the second time I cast my vote. The first vote I casted was to Hillary Clinton in the Primaries. I was disappointed that she didn't make the party's nomination. For a long while, I was not sure that I would vote in the elections. I was not sure about Obama, and still so. There's something odd and fake about him. And definitely, I would never vote for a republican.

However, things evolved in the last couple of months that shaped my voting decision.

First, McCain's selection for a running mate. "Hell, no!" Was my reaction. Palin can't be the first woman elected to the White House. She is way under qualified and does not deserve that privilege. If Clinton can't be the first woman elected to the White House, then it ought to be someone of a higher caliber than her. If my vote could make a difference, I wanted it to block Palin from getting into the White House.

Second, Obama's pick of Joe Biden as a running mate was a good one. Biden compliments Obama in areas where he's inexperienced, novice, or lacking. I just hope that Biden gets to play an important role in the new administration. Obama's decision might indicate that he would surround himself with seasoned experts, and he won't be running the country single-handedly--that's what makes a successful president!

My wait in the voting line was exactly 45 minutes--not bad at all. Baba went with Sol and he got to stand with him at the voting machine and co-vote (kind of). He even got one of those I-Voted stickers. We (me, Sol, Mama, Baba) stayed up past midnight watching the results. Moody kept sneaking downstairs asking "Did Obama win?"

I liked McCain's speech. That was the only thing he did well since the start of his campaign. I think his speech was even better than Obama's. Obama's was kind of toned down given the significance of the event. Not that the speech was bad. But that is a historic event; Obama's speech should have been more enthusiastic, unforgettable, and remarkable than that.

Bush should be thrown out of the white house immediately. I am very hopeful for the changes coming up. Change is always good, no matter what direction it takes.


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Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Fall, Favorite Season!


















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Halloween



A very special Halloween indeed. The whole family is here including Mom and Dad. Jana and Tala dressed as Egyptian gypsy dancers in the outfits that my parents got them from Egypt. They both looked so cute. I dressed up in a galabaya too and so did Mom. Everybody had a great time, especially Dad.


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Synopsis

September 1, Ramadan started.



October 1, we celebrated Eid.



September 24, we found out that I needed surgery on my stomach.

October 5, we put together fall decoration.



October 6, my surgery was scheduled for Wednesday, October 15.

October 8, Mom and Dad had their visa interview at the US embassy in Cairo. Their plan was to come before my surgery.

October 11, Mom and Dad received their passports with the US visa, in Cairo.

October 12, Mom and Dad arrived in Columbus, Ohio, That was their first visit to the US and the first time they meet Moody ad Tala.



October 15, I had my surgery.

October 25, I went home from the hospital. Due to my health issues, I decided to send Anas and Jana back to Lebanon. All the family is supportive of that. It's ironic--I was robbed of the kids, when they were young, after divorce. Now that I finally have them after 10 years of trying, I'm robbed of them again. As if it's never meant to be.
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A Complete Family


First photo of me and 4 kids together
June 30th: Anas ad Jana arrived in Columbus, Ohio. Their first trip to the US. The automatically became US citizen once they set foot on US soil. The first two months, the whole family went on the scariest roller-coaster ride ever. It took a lot of adjustment from everybody to make it through the storm. The biggest hurdle was getting Anas and Jana used to and accepting of rules, consequences of their actions, and authority of their guardians. We are trying to connect with them at an age where they want to cut loose and gain their independence starting their journey to adulthood. It is not easy!

Their return was open to a certain extent. The Lebanese arm of their family left the decision on the kids' hands. I took it away from them--it's way too big of a decision to leave to a 13- ad 12-year-olds. I decided it is best for them to stay in the US despite objections from the Lebanese faction. The kids are very happy here; they started school and adjusted very well to "the rules" and all. Anas's first school period report card had an A+, C+ (in ESL) and the rest all A's. Jana's had all A's and a B+.

Naturally, they miss their Lebanese home and their family there. But at the same time, they are very happy here. It is a dilemma! They can't have it all and there is a price to pay either way. They still say they want to go back every now and then but accepted my decision.

Tala, sweet Lalla, was the icebreaker all this time. She got along very well with everyone. Her irresistible sweetness just poured over everyone. She had her moments here and there where she "wish Jana goes back to Lebanon; wish Jana is not in my room," etc. But, overall, she is the sweetest that could be.

Sol still surprises me even after almost 10 years of marriage. His patience, support, and understanding is unparalleled, out of this world. We really worked as one and it made a whole lot of difference. Sol, you are the world to me... Love you!
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Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Ohio been Iked!

On Sunday hurricane Ike blew through here, leaving behind a trail of damage on a pretty wide scale. Ike packed a lot of energy to begin with, but our problem was worsened by the meeting of his southerly "warmth" with a cold front coming in from the west. They decided to wrestle each other in Ohio. Winds reached top speeds of 75 miles per hour (120 km/hr), and they lasted quite a while. There were several deaths in the state, deaths of people that is, but the material damage was quite big. Even yesterday, the day after, there were still some two million people without power in the state, about 500,000 of them in central Ohio alone. Some people will not have electricity restored until next week. Downed trees everywhere, some of them hundreds of years old. In our neighborhood, there were downed trees and ripped off shutters, but not much else. We lost power from about 4 pm till 10 pm, which is two hours on both sides of dusk. That's really prime time in Ramadan. We waited and then had to leave at the last minute, to hunt for food. Of course everyone in town was out on the hunt, and some restaurants were not even open that late on a Sunday. We were lucky because the power came back for us just as we got back home and were starting up some candles.

Yesterday I got to work and found the campus area in worse shape. There are a lot of narrow side streets lined with tall old trees. Narrow streets make for good wind tunnels, much to the demise of those beautiful trees. An ugly death scene, really. Power still out, traffic lights dead, and...

A couple of things I learned: Traffic lights actually speed up traffic not slow it down! That was a flip. Also, if fasting is partly meant to train people to be less dependent on things taken for granted, then electricity should be added to the list. They ought to have programmed/scheduled power outages. It would be like fire drills and tests of the emergency warning systems. Not only individual people, but communities need to be trained. The pictures below are samples of many sent by people to local TV.


OK, how do you define unlucky?



Honey, look what the wind just brought in!



Another unwelcome visitor



Wind power vs. fossil fuel

Sunday, September 07, 2008

If Yogi were Libyan...

Mr. Yogi Berra is an interesting American personality. He has many impressive achievements in baseball, as a player, a coach and a manager. But that's not all. Yogi is also a master of a certain kind of speech, really a form of concentrated poetic philosophy, and an art that uses the medium of language in absurd statements of truths. If Yogi were a Libyan, he'd be a master of 'Alemm (one-verse poetry), that's for sure, but what might he say? First, let's look at some of his American sayings to get what this guy is about...

- On baseball: "This game is 90% mental. The other half is physical."

- Turning down an invitation to a popular restaurant: "Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded."

- Giving directions to his house: "If you come to a fork in the road, take it." He really meant both ways get you there, but now it is a great teaching against being indecisive.

- When his wife asked where he wanted to be buried, considering he was born in one city, played most of his career in another, and lived in a third. Yogi said, "Surprise me!"

- When asked if a certain player had exceeded his expectations: "He's done more than that."

- An umpire made a close call on a hit that went to the corner, near the wood post, and was reflected into fair territory. It was called a foul, which is not in Yogi's favor. The question was whether the ball had hit the wooden post, which would make it fair, or reflected off the concrete behind the post, which would make it a foul. Yogi protrested, "Anyone who can't tell the difference between a ball hitting wood and a ball hitting concrete, has got to be blind!"

- "I usually take a two-hour nap from 1 to 4." He meant between 1 and 4.

- "It's like deja vu, all over again."

- Yogi is practical: "Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel."

- "There are some people who, if they don't already know, you can't tell 'em."

- On fan freedom: "If people don't want to come out to the ballpark, nobody's going to stop them."

- On the poor sunlight conditions in Yankee stadium left field: "It gets late awfully early out there."

- Yogi the philosopher: "The future ain't what it used to be."

- A confirming denial: "I really didn't say all the things I said."

You get the idea. Now, what would Yogi say if he were Libyan? I think Libyan culture would provide a fertile environment for a talent like Yogi's. He even looks like he could pass for a Libyan. What do you think?

1. "Libyans don't take criticism well because they get it all the time."

2. ...

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Happy birthday, lil lady!


Little Tala is six years old today. Time flies... too fast to enjoy the full pleasure of watching children grow. I think we are especially guilty in Tala's case. She always seems to have the less/un/poorly planned occasion. This time we are more actively acknowledging her special occasion, all through the day. She also deserves to have her day blogged on time.

Tala is much more aware of her growth this time around, maybe because a number of different things have coincided. She starts first grade tomorrow! She lost her first tooth about a month ago (July 23). Shamsa came and we sang the Libyan tooth song. The other day, I asked Tala what she thought was in the sun. She said, "Teeth and vitamins." lol lol. She also got her ears re-pierced this summer. She connects all of these things with growing up, and she's so happy about it. She's quick to point it out... "I'm your unfiller assistant because I'm a big girl now," she said when helping me empty out some grocery bags. She's brilliant with words. So, happy birthday to my filler with love!

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Hand Over Karadzic to Turkey

The stock of international justice has been rising lately. First there was the ICC prosecutor's call for issuing an arrest warrant for Sudan's sitting military dictator (aka president) Omar al-Bashir. Now we have the news that Europe's own mass murderer has been arrested. His name is Karadzic, and he's been a "fugitive" for over a decade. It turns out he was no fugitive at all, rather living quite openly in one of Europe's uncivilized pockets, although he did borrow a page from Saddam Hussein's manual of disguise. Karadzic was working as a doctor of "alternative psychiatry," in other words, demonstrating that quackery is hard to shake off. His disguise was only meant to divert the casual observer, but his real cover came from those in power. In a short time since the rise of a party that's seeking EU membership, and literally within days from appointing a new security chief, the rat of Belgrade is captured.

Now what? If you ask me, Europe should use this opportunity to test more of its member wannabes, in particular, Turkey. Give al-Bashir to the Hague, that's fine with me. But in return, why not do something similar with this criminal who represents Europe's uncivilized Christians of former communist societies? Nothing would serve justice better than to hand him over to Bosnia, of course. Back in the sixties, Israel got to try and execute Eichman. Now, we should let a Bosnian court nail this bastard. But, if there is the slightest concern about Bosnia's readiness, impartiality, etc., then just hand him over to Turkey. I am sure the Turks would do the job very well and in keeping with the standards and precedents set by Europe and Israel. Besides, the Turks could benefit from showing themselves fit for EU membership, and the message to Turkey's neighboring European thugs could not be louder or clearer.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Libyan Education: Look to Misrata

The results of the Libyan national high school exams were announced recently, and the numbers are fascinating. In Libya there are nine different kinds of high-school specializations: Basic Sciences, Life Sciences, Engineering, Economics, Social Sciences, Arabic Language, English Language, Mass-Media Arts, and Fine Arts. I am only going to present and discuss the statistics of the top students in this post.

The education ministry published a list of the top-10 students in each specialization, a total of 90 students representing the cream of the national crop this year. With the exception of Media- and Fine-Arts students, the overall scores of these elite students exceed 90% and peak above 97%. In the Arts schools, the scores of the top-10 students dip as low as 67%. Ouch! Another noteworthy difference is the large variation in specialization size. Over 25,000 students took the exams in Life Sciences, but only 65 did in Fine Arts. Interestingly enough, only 10 students passed in Fine Arts, which is exactly enough to make the cynic in me wonder how many would have passed if there had been a tradition of picking the top seven instead of ten.

Gender Gap


The most striking aspect of the data is the gender distribution. In this arena, Libyan girls outnumber the boys by a huge margin.



The girls "cleaned up" across the top-10 board. Engineering is the only area where boys outnumber the girls in top-10 honors. It is possible that there are more boys than girls in Engineering.

It is fair to ask whether the top-10 stats mean girls outnumber or actually outperform boys. There are indeed more girls than boys in Libyan high schools, but that difference is not enough to account for the disparity. According to 2006 data at the Libyan General Information Agency, girls make up 58% of the high school population, but even when that bias is removed, the girls still outperform the boys at a ratio of almost three to one. Wow! In my book that kind of advantage warrants very serious consideration, especially since the numbers get turned completely upside-down in the workforce and in positions of leadership.


Across The Landscape

Libya is sub-divided into administrative districts, each one comprising a capital city and possibly other smaller cities and towns. According to the General Information Agency, there are now 22 districts, as opposed to 32 until a few years ago, but the information from the Libyan education ministry lists 23 school districts because they separate Ijdabia from al-Wahat. Mixups like these are normal in Libya, but let us continue to take things at face value.


The chart above shows the distribution of top-10 students over districts. Note that 8 of the 23 districts are not shown because they did not yield any top-10 students. Most of the unrepresented districts are relatively small in population, but the absence of districts like al-Batnan and al-Marj is quite worrisome because their student populations are actually larger than a third of the districts represented.

Generally, the larger districts have larger yields, and the girls dominate the whole landscape. But the numbers cry for a closer examination. In particular, what is up with Misrata? Is this a case of outnumbering the others or outperforming them? We need to normalize the data by district size, in order to put them all on the same footing. But Misrata's student population could not be larger than Benghazi or Tripoli, and therefore, the productivity of Misrata is actually even higher relative to the other larger districts. Unfortunately, I could not find numbers for final-year high school students in the various districts, so I used the number of students who took the 9th-grade exams this year as a basis for normalization. [Using total high-school population as a basis gave pretty much the same trends.] Now we can look at a measure of relative productivity (not raw yield) of the various districts, and the data are illustrated in the next chart.


Misrata stands out like a tassle on a conical hat. lol lol lol It is almost twice as productive as Tripoli, and more than three times as productive as Benghazi. The same can be seen in other ways: The district is represented in all but one category, and in 4 of the 9 categories, Misrata took at least half of the top-10 spots. Wow!

What is the secret in Misrata? Is it the Misrati genetics or work ethic or what? Obviously something is different about the social environment, or the culture, or the resources, or whatever, but it's big and it ain't no accident! Libyan education authorities ought to head straight to Misrata and LEARN what's behind the success and how it can be spread.

The Misrati phenomenon is probably a result of a number of different factors working in concert. But before getting to that magical mix, it is useful to step back and ask the broader question: Why do girls outperform boys by so much? OK, girls probably spend more time at home and have fewer activities and distractions to take them away from their school work. This lifestyle factor would be stronger in more conservative environments, i.e., smaller towns and villages. Another possible factor is the quality and quantity of resources, especially the human resources. In Libya, the biggest employer of women is--by far--the education sector, and this bias is even stronger in smaller cities where other employment markets are much smaller. Many bright Libyan girls grow up to be teachers in girls schools, teaching the next generation of bright girls to become teachers, and so on. After this cycle has gone for a couple of turns, we now have evolved a new sub-species of students (and teachers, undoubtedly) that outperform their male counterparts by a factor of three. Misrata's distinction perhaps is its optimal size: On the one hand, Misrata is small enough to maintain a conservative culture and absorb a larger proportion of its bright women into teaching jobs. On the other hand, Misrata is also big enough that it can yield enough teachers to make a difference. Or the reason may have nothing to do with evolutionary refinement, and it is simply more cheating in Misrata. I don't dismiss cheating altogether, but I doubt that it can be the dominant factor. In any case, there is a lot to be gained from investigating the case of Misrata.

Final Word

In the closest thing to fair competition that Libyan society has ever known, girls absolutely dominate. But in positions of leadership, public and private, and in positions of professional growth, Libyan women are almost completely absent. One does not have to look far from the education arena. Just consider how often you hear of a Libyan girl being sent abroad for graduate studies. Yes, we now do hear of it, which is great, but if eligibility were based solely on technical merits, shouldn't the overwhelming majority of those students be women? That's only a glimpse of the enormous waste of a tremendous resource. The Libyan human resource is bleeding, not from a minor injury, but literally from a brain injury. Think about it: What happens to 78% of Libya's top resource? Why don't we see that prevalence of women on university faculties, on hospital staff, corporate management, industrial management, you name it! The only silver lining to the cloud is that some of them become teachers and mothers. Libya is lucky to have them and dead wrong to leave then undervalued and underutilized. As we give a thousand deserved congratulations and best wishes to all the students, let's spare one word for the teachers, the unsung heroines from Misrata to Jkhirra: Bravo!

Sunday, June 29, 2008

On Track

That brings us up to speed to today, to tomorrow's entry on the fridge calendar--the big bang of our summer, or year, or lifetime!

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Tala's Kindergarten Memories



















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