I am A Proud Libyan!

I am an Arab... A Proud Arab!

For the first time, I am very proud to be an Arab and to associate myself with the Egyptians. The brave Egyptians took the whole world by surprise. Not because of the up-rise or their resilience in face of the tyranny alone, but because of the civility and peace seeking they have demonstrated to the world.

The talk here on the news, talk shows, and analysis, is about that civility and awareness demonstrated by the Egyptians. Everyone is asking "How do we deal with Arabs that way?" Everyone is saying that those are not terrorists, blood-seeking, bomb-blaster, anti-west, etc. that we are used to perceive them as. Those are freedom-seekers, peaceful, democracy-seekers and they are just like us, think like us and act like us. More questions were about how does the US deal with their foreign policy that supported those dictators and helped them stay in power, when now there's a different kind of Arab that emerged, the young, ambitious, educated, calling on the world to support the democracy they have been preaching about.

I was glued to the TV yesterday for hours while receiving the blood transfusion, and those were the questions echoed on all programs and channels.

It's the Arab renaissance - the real elites are resurfacing... May the ripple continues! The youth are our future.

Struck with Awe!

A Source of Pride:

Proposing Project 100 with Panda Express Manager

Whittier Elementary's 4th grade, Ahmed's class, is supporting the James Cancer Hospital for their community project. They have been collecting money to purchase links that cost a quarter each. They hook the links together and run them around the classroom and school as they grow. All proceeds go to the James. In the Fall, the kids and Nicole had a garage sale that we promised them whatever they make would be split three ways among them. Ahmed declared that he want to donate his to the James by buying more links at the school. And he did, bought about 80 links.

Another related project they have to work on is called Project 100, where each student picks a business and makes an agreement with them do donate a quarter of a specific thing they sell to the school's James fund.  Ahmed picked Panda Express and their famous Orange Chicken dish. After meeting the manager yesterday, she recommended the idea of holding a Whittier Day at Panda Express where 20% of the day's sales will go to Whittier to support the James project 100.

Food for thought:

Recently, I recognized that friends want to help, but they don't know how. So, I came out of my cocoon and gathered those friends around me and opened my doors wide. All the ones I reached out for responded and showered me with their care and support, except for one dear friend that caused me some disappointment since I thought she would be the first.

One of the difficulties I shared with friends is having food for the family when I don't have the energy to cook. Cooking on Sundays has worked, but then it leaves me tired and drained for a couple of days, and I start the week on the wrong foot. In response, my friend Kathy rallied seven ladies, from her church community, who are willing to provide us food 7 days a week. I know some of those women, but others I don't know at all. Talk about caring for the members of the community and showing support and all. And some tell you that the American society lacks such values. In comparison to the Libyans I know locally, none has offered to help but for one close friend. So tell me, what makes a society civilized?

Kathy, also, has been driving me around, going with me to chemo sessions, taking me to places I needed to go, having lunch together, mall visit, and bringing us delicious food. What a blessing to have such a caring friend!

Solidarity:

My hair is falling in locks and it was driving me crazy. I decided to go and shave it off rather than deal with the emotions associated with seeing it fall that much. I was supposed to shave it on Friday, but then I did not receive my chemo on Thursday as was planned, for the second time in a row, because my blood count of white cells and platelets was very low. So I decided to shave my head on Thursday and I'm glad I did. I felt so good and relieved after shaving. I had so much anxiety and fear from being bald that was gone immediately after I shaved. I was worried about shocking people around me including the kids and coworkers. I was worried about putting people in awkward position when they see me shaved or with a wig. But the shave was not bad; actually I realized that it didn't change a thing in me, I am still the person I was before the shave and maybe a little stronger!

Ahmed, Sol, and some of my friends vowed to shave their heads in solidarity with me. And the shaving started. It touched my heart and soul in a way nothing ever did! I love them for that and feel very lucky to have them and their support. I can lean on them for sure and learn from them!

As a gesture, to include my kids in Lebanon more in my life, I sent a message to Anoos and told him about the Solidarity Cuts project and that he may join if he'd like to show his support. He replied saying that he's growing his hair and don't want to lose it. That's the difference between children who grow up in the uncivilized world and those who grow up in the civilized world. I love all of my kids whether they choose to participate or not. Each has a special place and something that makes them special. For example, Anas is my first baby; he's the first to make me a Mama.

There's so much to talk about, but I'd rather spend the time doing other things for now. Last thing worth mentioning is I got me 2 wigs to wear, in addition to my shaved look, and mess around with people's heads since both are very different. Have a look:

Moments Gone By!

On the 29th, the Sherry's hosted dinner for our family and the Apples. The three of us were neighbors where we still live. We kept in touch after they both moved. Moody, Luke and Conor were born 2 weeks apart each, and each has a completely different personality. We had lots of fun and lots of food!

We also went to the Rec Center with the Kanouns and the kids did wall climbing and played other games, while us the mothers sat and chatted.

I took my sweet time wrapping the gifts before New Year's eve. It was fun; something I enjoyed doing. I even wrapped my own gifts that I bought myself :) The kids went ballistic in New Year's day tearing open their gifts. They were really happy to see that some items made it from their wish list.

Tala's self-portrait with the locket

Tala had a "Locket with Mom and Dad's pictures in it" on her wish list. And she got it. Jan, the family therapist, asked her before she got the locket (and she did not know she was getting it) what was her most precious possession. And Tala said "The locket with my parents' pictures!" That she didn't have yet! How can you resist that?!

On Tuesdays this quarter, Sol has an early class and can't take the kids to the bus, so he made arrangements with Nicole to come in the morning and take care of that. The first Tuesday after the break, Nicole showed up and this conversation took place:

Ahmed: Nicole is here! Now my day is ruined!

Nicole: The feeling is mutual, Moody!

Ahmed: But you don't have any, Nicole.

You can't beat this guy with words. My friend Fatma used to say that my word is always ready at the tip of my tongue. I guess Ahmed takes after me in that lol

I was invited to a Libyan ladies only party for the New Year and I did go for a couple of hours. It was a good change. The New Year came upon us with a mixture of things. The doc changed my treatment, and I'm doing OK with it so far. I recently got tremendous support from family and friends that just energized me and transformed me emotionally and otherwise... Thank you dear ones!

We spent a good Holiday. Not doing much other than board games, movies, some swimming, ice skating, cooking, seeing friends. It was very relaxing and we all wished it lasted longer!

We ended the holiday with Tala's Step One Ballet Dress Rehearsal.

Food For The Heart, From The Heart!

Sometimes, the best fun you could have is unplanned. The plan yesterday was to go with the Kanoun's to a dine-in theater, but the kids could not agree on the movie. And Christmas day is usually so boring here with everything, I mean everything, is closed, except for the movies and gas stations. So out of the blue came the idea of let's get  together in our place and do Emgatta' (homemade Libyan noodles).

It was interesting how it turned out and what coordinated teamwork it took to pull it together.

- Dough recipe consultation with Fairouz live on Skype from Cairo
- Making the dough by Sol
- Cutting the noodles by Tala
- Dry Gideed sent to us by mail from Sara and Adel in Cleveland
- Gideed oil leftover from some gideed I made a while back
- Fenugreek that my mother-in-law brought with her from Libya in 2000
- Cooking the whole thing together by Suhir
- The yeast for the bread came from the middle eastern store that was open but only had bulk yeast. The owner gave Sol enough to use for free

Since stores were closed we had to find a solution for the bread. It was not my problem, so I went for a nap and left Sol to start making the dough. I woke up just about when the Kanouns were expected to arrive. I found Tala helping Sol with the noodles; bread dough is done and set aside to rise... I felt really good. Everything got taken care of without me lol

The Kanouns arrived and Suhir was assigned the task of cooking the emgatta'. I relaxed on the sofa in the family room watching the busy bees in the kitchen and chatting away. It was fun not to have to do anything! After dinner, we had herbal tea with delicious magrood and ghrayba made by Sara, our niece, in Cleveland.

The emgatta' was out of this world... all gone!

All in all, it was indeed a Merry Christmas :)

The blessing of having family and friends... Priceless, for everything else, there's the plastic!

The Comings and Goings of Years!

Monday was the annual Christmas caroling party at the Rigney's. It has become a family tradition of ours for 12 years now. We started Sol and I alone, then Moody joined followed by Tala 2 years later. This year, again, it coincided with the boy scouts super game. So Tala and I went to the Rigney's, while Moody and Sol went to the super games. I did not feel up to going, but did it for Tala who really wanted to dress up in her fancy dress and go. Later on, Ahmed and Sol surprised us by showing up at the party. Ahmed wanted to come so he split hi time between the 2 events. He even participated in the acting of Twelve Days to Christmas song.

I was not feeling well, so I decided to go home and they continue the party. Sol wanted to us all to leave, but I insisted. I arrived home and few minutes later they walk in behind me. Ahmed would not stay while "Mom is not here and might need our help!" Tender, caring Ahmed.

At the super games, he had to make a poster showing examples of a good citizen example is. He made one with four examples of being a good citizen: Toy Drive, Recycling, Being Fair, and Registering to Vote. They were all his ideas and activities he actually participated in, except for registering to vote, but he did go to me when I voted and I explained to him the registration and voting process and let hi push the voting buttons for me.

On Wednesday, Adel, Sol's Nephew, who is a grad student in Cleveland came to visit with his wife and four kids, Owayss, Mariam, Omar, and Aisha (cute Aisha). We wanted them to spend the night, but they were hesitant. It was the first time they visit and we meet, so we let them be. The kids had a lot of fun, playing and exchanging gifts. We had makaroona mbawkha that I made and magrood and ghrayba that they brought us. Mariam was crying and did not want to leave, and Tala wanted her to have a sleepover. Next time, we promised!

Afterward, I lied on the sofa to get some rest. Ahmed and Tala came and sat with me playing their DSi's to "keep me company" and "get me what I need". So sweet!

Yesterday, I got up at 6 am, had breakfast, then took a nice nap. Later the kids and I went out, put gas and air in the car--freezing my hands with thermal gloves, my feet, my nose and ears-- and went into the car wash. Off to the movies, we indulged in lunch and watched Tron in 3D... It was OK, but not great. The kids picked it and I didnot mind, just wanted to do it for them. I did not have a good day. I was so emotional, crying most of the time for no reason, looking around me and wondering how much longer is this going to last... I will miss my life when I go even though I'm not sure how could I "miss it" when I'm no longer there?! It is hard for others to understand what I'm going through, and it is hard for me to make them understand... It seems Tala and Ahmed are the closest to that--I take it as a blessing.

The gifts for friends and teachers are done finally and gone their way. The family New Year's gifts are boxed but still need to be wrapped and put under the tree. Maybe today. I think we are supposed to visit friends tonight, but my chemo brain is confusing me! I'll have to call Fatma.

The last 2 weeks I have reconnected with very old friends of more than 25 years ago through Face Book. It's been very nice to catch up with them and pick up from where we left. I hope we keep the connection as they were part of my life as a child, tween, teen and beyond.

Years of Milk and Degla

Friday, December 10th, was the twelfth anniversary of our wedding party، which actually took place on a Thursday back in 1998. Hana's family drove from Benghazi and Derna, mine from Tripoli and Misrata. I left Columbus on the 8th, and we all met in Djerba, a Tunisian island near the border with Libya. Many details had to be arranged, and most were done in advance, thanks to the internet, the phone and credit cards! It turned out to be a nice party. It was unconventional in some ways, which means the guests focused most of their attention on us, not on each other. So there were no fights! In fact, everyone seemed to be having a good time. A lot of the people had not met one another before, that might have provided a little cover of anonymity... and a little inhibition went out the door. lol lol OK, this was a party that had my father-in-law on stage with the dance band, in the presence of my mother. That could never happen in the conventional setting. It is fun to reflect on our anniversary and look all the way back from the perspective of the present.

What about milk and Degla? Milk is clear enough. Degla is a date grown in North Africa and usually harvested in late fall. It has a delicate taste and texture and it appears translucent. Let me tell you a little background story that happened to me, also in Tunisia but on a different occasion. I was returning to my hotel one pre-noon, and I ran into a bus load of African tourists crowding the lobby. They appeared to be francophone tourists from sub-Saharan Africa, or as some Tunisians say, from "Afriqia el-Kahla"--black Africa. The receptionist, call him Hamza, was very busy trying to serve many people at once. As I wiggled my way through to the elevator, I greeted him with my usual (in Arabic) "Your day is milk, Hamza!" He glanced my way and swiftly replied, "No, today, it's Degla!"

How do you take Hamza's statement? Some might think it is a sort of racist statement. The metaphor could be variously interpreted, depending on the eye of the observer. But think of how it might be interpreted if I said (in English) "Your day is ivory," and he replied, "No, today it's ebony" There is no implied superiority or hierarchy of value, and that's how I now think of Hamza's statement now.

Life is not either black or white. It deals out light days and dark days, but even the dark ones can carry moments to be savored, moments when some light comes through. Those are the days of Degla. The others are the days of milk. The two complement one another very well! That's how I like to look at my years with Hannu, especially now as she fights cancer. Some days are bright like milk, some are dark, but like Degla they let some light through. Life is easier to swallow, if it can be viewed not as black and white, but as gratitude and hope, milk and degla.

Hana and I stayed at the Hasdrubal Hotel in Djerba. They put a nice basket of seasonal fruits for us to enjoy. What sticks in my memory the most is what we had for our very first breakfast: milk and degla.

The following is a little poem that I transcribed from an old tape I've had for many years. I don't know the name of the poet, I just know his voice! It hits on very traditional themes, and I hope it brings a smile to you, Hannu. May your darkest days be as sweet as degla.

نشبح طفلة بشناشنها، دبالج ومحابيب
جت تدرج بشناشنها، دبالج ومحابيب
نفسي مرضت بمحاينها، تلقوليش طبيب؟

عينك عين اجدي الفالي يقطّف في النوار
يتريّع في البر الخالي وما يطيقش لحفار
وغثيثك مهدود أحمالي فوق الصدر أسطار
هيف قدامك وإلتالي كيد اللي ظفار
والشفة كيف الفيلالي تحمار وتصفار
ونياب مراصيف مجالي كاينهم جمار
حبك في المكنون لجالي وقص الكبد اشطار
مرضني وبهدل باحوالي وزاد عليا جار
وحبك مايطيقوه رجالي غير أني صبار
نشبح في الزين العلّالي اللي عمره ما صار
ماتلبسش اللي عوالي ولا ناقص لسعار
تلبس في اللي سومه غالي، شكشاك وماجار
حوليها ماهوش جبالي، فضة من البازار
وبلغتها من طبع العالي، فجرة بالمسمار
لوكان تاخد واحد زوالي يستغنى في نهار
تقول لوزة في عقاب ليالي حفلت بالنوار
وتداعى تقول بنت الوالي في سوق العطار
حاجة طابت في لظلالي لا صهدتها نار
ولا صهدوها رياح قبالي وما ظهرت من دار
وياما صور فيك العالي، شفة تقول زبيب
طعمة ولذة للوكالي: دقلة إعداها حليب

Prophets and Gender... Question of the Week!

Yesterday we went to the Columbus Museum of Art (CMA). The kids were handed fragments of paintings had fun trying to identify the paintings the fragments belong to. We did some puzzles of paintings, read some, played some, and then off to Barnes and Nobles to check out some books.

Sol cooked bazeen for dinner. It was delicious. I have never tasted any bazeen like Sol's. The conversation around the dinner table was how Islam came about and how prophet Mohamed received the word of Allah and became so. We came to the part when Mohamed was greeted in Madina with the song "Tala'a al-badru", so I looked it up on you tube and played it. The kids liked it and listened to it many times.

Tala asked, "Are there any women prophets?" Ahmed was quick to answer, "Even if there were not, it does not mean that women do not do courageous things to our world!"

Late at night, Ahmed came to us and said that he could not fall asleep and wanted me to sing him that song again, Tala'a al-badru. I did and he went back to sleep.

A Wonderful Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving was here on Thursday, and we're still enjoying the long Holiday. This year, we shared it with the Kanouns at our place. It was peaceful and nice. Everyone contributed something. The best contributions were from 3-year-old Yaseen, and Ahmed.

We went around the table for everyone to say what they're thankful for. Yaseen said, "I'm thankful for marshmallows!" Ahmed's contribution was a pie of his own creation. He formulated the recipe and made it from scratch (except for the pie crust which I made for him).

The food was delicious; the ducks out of this world... I'm still craving more, but there was hardly any leftovers--glad to say! Here's a snapshot of the menu--recipes coming soon to Chez Hannu:

Fruit and Nut Salad
Cranberry Relish
Pumpkin Relish
Pomegranate Roasted Sweet Potatoes
Madras Cauliflower
Rice with Nuts
Roasted Ducks; Corn; Potatoes Casserole
Pecan Tart
Moody's Pie

Stuffing Season!

This year has gone by so fast! The Holidays are here already and that means the year is over. Eid al-Adha (meat Eid), in which most muslims stuff themselves with meat, just passed. And now we are getting ready for Thanksgiving in which most Americans stuff themselves with turkey. We are lucky that we observe both, though not the stuffing part!

We didn't do anything special this Eid. It was during the week with school and work as usual. Eid day, Moody dressed up in his dress shirt, ties dress pants, farmella (Libyan traditional jacket) and shanna (Libyan hat). I thought it was cute, but then he changed into a regular jacket to go to school with. Once he entered school, he took the hat off since they are not allowed in schools. The principal saw him and told him that he could keep it on for the occasion. He appreciated that.

The week before Eid was the end of the first school period and report cards were out and time for the teacher-parent conferences. We were pleasantly surprised, especially with Tala's, the quiet one. Her teacher started by saying, "Let me put it this way: Tala is always right!" Wow! Moody's teachers had a lot to say about him and how they love having him in the class. His home-room teacher said she enjoys the most having conversations with Moody in the hallway outside the classroom. Way to go kiddos! I am one very proud parent.

Planning and preparations started for Thanksgiving. At the same time, we're contemplating going for a second opinion on my case. It was recommended that we either go to New York or Houston. I'm hesitant... I'm just tired and want to be done. The nausea, fatigue and other side effects are interfering with my life and causing me to lose more weight (as if I have much left)... I just want to be done. This time I'm getting a 3-week break from chemo because of the holidays. Next visit, the doctor will look at the CT-Scan and recommend a way forward. I hope it is no more chemo for a while, though I doubt it.

Think positive, change the tone... Moody wrote this song and he's waiting for his cousins, Loui and Shatha, to bring sounds to it.

Beggars Night... Beggars Week!

I stayed home another week after Ayman's left, but then could not take it anymore and returned to work. People are puzzled why I go to work when I could rightfully take paid medical leave and stay home. They don't understand it or me. I need to be around people, I need to feel I'm useful accomplishing something and contributing something... That's all part of dealing with cancer, not let it alter your life tremendously though it's very inevitable!

Yesterday, I had chemo, so the day was shut. We made it home around 6 pm just as Trick-or-Treat was starting. And the kids were ready, anxious, frustrated, and driving dear Nicole crazy. Moody was a werewolf and Tala a vampire. Moody went one direction to catch up with his friends and Sol had to go with him. Tala wanted to go the other direction so I had to go with her. I set the candy by the front door for beggars to help themselves and took off. It was cold...! And with gloves and all, my fingers were still cold and tingly. Cold sensitivity in the peripheries is one of the side effect to the chemo drug I'm taking. I'm wearing gloves at home with the heater on... Not complaining, just saying.

This is the second Halloween since my parents were here and observed it with us. Halloween time is so dear to my heart now because it reminds me of the time Mama and Baba were here.

Two weekends ago, the kids had a garage sale organized by Nicole. They made more than $70. Ahmed pledged all his proceeds to the James Cancer Hospital. He's also participating in a school project called Project 100, in which students are encouraged to get sponsored by local businesses to collect at least $100. For example, if a restaurant sells a certain dish, the student is proposing they donate 0.25c to Project 100. All proceeds will go to the James Cancer Hospital. How nice and enriching for the kids' development! That's building a civil society 101!

Parents' observation at Generations was last week, I think. Walking out of the studio, we ran into one of Moody's teachers from school. Moody immediately told him "No one in school should know about this!" lol Although he's in all-boys classes, Boys Hip-Hop and Boys Tap, it is still a taboo to dance... Boys!

Things are getting to be a routine in a way, but other things are popping up to cause some chaos and throw us off the routine. I've been cooking diligently for the last 2 weekends and we've been eating a decent variety of meals all week. Check Chez Hannu for my recipes.

The kids are doing well in school. Moody is liking to use "Ahmed" on all his assignments and where he needs to write his name, and likes to be called that, which is nice. Actually, I call him Hamood, Mood, Ahmed more than Moody.

Tonight, Tala is performing with Generation in Midnight Madness in Uptown Westerville. Tomorrow, Ahmed has tryouts for the basketball Bantam League; Tala has the girls' group with Jan; Later, she has Big Sister, Li'l Sister at Generation; Moody has to sell more popcorn for the boy scouts; I have to return a pair of boots and make a hair appointment. And this weekend, I have to pay the bills... hate'm!

Now I have to go sort through piles of paper from school, dance, and the community! Where the heck did all the candy go? I just need a piece, but there's none to be found from what the little beggars brought!

Ayman's Clan Gonzo!

Ayman and family left almost a month ago now. It took us all a while to adjust to not having them here, especially li'l calbooz 3amo 3asem! Just love him. Of course sweet Safoo too, who did her best to learn English and communicate--she did a good job of that. It is sad that they left and we don't know when we'll meet again. But hey, this was the first time the families met... so it's a huge accomplishment.

I met Ayman's first in September of 2009 during a business trip to Europe. The kids now run to the phone when they see Ayman's number in the caller ID. Before they met them, they wouldn't and sometimes they would refuse to talk to them. I didn't blame them; they didn't know them or relate to them in any way. But now, they talk about them fondly; they keep bringing up things that was said or done with them, they talk joyously about them--That alone makes me ecstatic!

We miss you guys, come back soon... Puhulease!

Snippets - 1

 

At long last, Ayman et. al. are here. It's been a long awaited visit. Here I was waiting for them anxiously at the airport. Everyone is warming up gradually. Rahimo is the one who held a strong front the longest. He would only deal with Moody, no one else. But today, the smiles and naughtiness is being spread to everyone.

Yesterday, they all accompanied me to get my treatment. I spent the whole day dozing being drugged. But for some reason I feel good today. It's true, emotional state plays a lot if fighting cancer. I noticed the day they were supposed to arrive good things have  been coming our way, including money :) I'm holding my breath for a miracle :)

Pictures I love: