Saturday, September 18, 2010

Snippets - 1

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At long last, Ayman et. al. are here. It's been a long awaited visit. Here I was waiting for them anxiously at the airport. Everyone is warming up gradually. Rahimo is the one who held a strong front the longest. He would only deal with Moody, no one else. But today, the smiles and naughtiness is being spread to everyone.

Yesterday, they all accompanied me to get my treatment. I spent the whole day dozing being drugged. But for some reason I feel good today. It's true, emotional state plays a lot if fighting cancer. I noticed the day they were supposed to arrive good things have  been coming our way, including money :) I'm holding my breath for a miracle :)

Pictures I love:









Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Eid, Come Back!

Eid was wonderful. The kids stayed home and didn't go to school. They went to the mosque instead with Sol; their first time. I went and had coffee with Nadia and Eman. Sol had a couple of black hens roaming around him in the morning, but we managed to shush them away before noon.

The rest of the day was spent with the Kanouns. So the kids agreed to do the Toys'R'Us trip on Saturday. Happy with the iMac, I made a slideshow of the Eid, actually 2. I'll stop here as they tell the whole story.





Blame it on Nicole!

Nicole, or Jennifer officially, has been with us for years. We've probably known her for more than 5 years now. She's become part of our family, witnessed our ups and downs, cried with us, laughed with us, cared with us... You name it. She knows our friends and even family from Libya she has not met yet.

Lately, she's become the scapegoat for anything and everything that goes wrong or goes missing in the house. If Sol asks about his keys, the answer would be "Nicole must have hidden them." If I question a misplaced or disorganized thing, the answer would be "Nicole made me do it." So now I don't bother asking the kids, even on weekends, I would text or call Nicole to ask her directly. I do but jokingly, and she takes it well.

Now let's dissect Nicole a little further.

Her strongest point is finding valuable coupons and good deals. She would take the kids out for a hearty, delicious lunch for free or for $2.99 all tops! What tops that is her ability to plan activities and keep the kids busy. She is awesome when it comes to that. Very creative and talented. and does it at little cost. The outings and activities she usually plans are very educational as well as fun, to name a few, museums, baseball games, putt-putt, beach, COSI, ZOO, parks, etc.

Her weakest point is talking. She is so quiet lol Actually, "motor mouth" is a good way to describe her. Ask her a question or just say hi and you could be in a conversation that might take 20 minutes or so. Everyone that meets her, that's the first thing they notice about her. But hey, that's what makes her Nicole, right? Funny, Tala lately has been questioning my quietness as if she just noticed it. She's another motor mouth in our house. She's been asking me, "Why are you always quiet? Why don't you talk much? Are you OK? Do you have a headache?" I told her, I've always been a person with few words since my youth, but I don't think she comprehends that some people could be quiet by nature.

The kids enjoy a very unique relation with Nicole. It's a I-love-you-but-don't-love-everything-you-make-me-do kind of relation. One day they'll be pushing her to leave as soon as we come home, the other thay'll be asking if she can come on the weekend. It's like can't be with you, can't be without you kind of thing.

From our perspective whatever little organization and peace of mind we have at home we owe a big deal of it to lovely, caring Nicole! So here goes a tribute to Nicole Jennifer Briggs. (snicker)

Monday, September 13, 2010

رسائل لبابا، 5

خيرات يا بابا،

مرت فترة على آخر رسالة، ومهما كان البركة في التلفون ولكن الرسائل لها طعم آخر. في السنوات الأخيرة أصبح تمكني من الإنجليزية أحسن من العربية وأجد الكتابة بها أسلس و أسهل. ولكن أكتب هذه الرسالة بالعربي حتى تقرأها ماما أيضاً فهي لكما الإثنين.

بدأت أمس بتصفح بعض الصور من زيارتكم لنا في 2008 أنتهيت بمشروع ترتيبها في ألبوم. بدأت هذا بالبكاء لإشتياقي إليكم ولأن زيارتكم كانت مقرونة بمرضي وتلك الفترة العصيبة. ولكن بعد فترة وجيزة بدأت بالإبتسام مع كل ذكرى أو موقف تمثله هذه الصور. كان تمرين جد شيق ومشحون عاطفياً--بطريقة جميلة. أخذ من وقتي على الأقل 7 ساعات... تلهية كنت بحاجة ماسة إليها.

ثم تذكرت أنكم لم تأخذوا معكم أي صور، وخطر لي حينها أن زيارتكم مربوطة في ذهنكم أيضاً بتلك الفترة العصيبة، صورة تطغى على ما كان جميل فيها. لذا قررت أن أرتب كل الصور في ألبوم وأبعثها لكم، حتى تعوا ما أثر زيارتكم لنا في حياتنا وكم كانت مهمة وثرية بذكريات لا تعوض ولا يجب أن تنسى أو تحجب. صورجميلة للحظات أجمل. كفاية جمعتنا على مائدة العشاء التي كانت بالكاد تسعنا وتسع مالذ وطاب من إيدين ماما، الله ما يحرمنا منها ولا من إيديها ولا من نفسها الطيب في الطبخ. وكذلك سهرتنا على الشاهي ولعب الورق وغيرها مع الأحفاد.

ختاماً، ترقبوا الألبوم وتأكدوا أنه سيجلب لكم الفرحة والبهجة والسرور... وراحة البال والهناء. وكما أتمنى أن يكون حافز لتعيدوا الكرة.

والسلام للجميع،
هنو
13سبتمبر، 2010

Saturday, September 04, 2010

Sweet Loli, Sweet Life!

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Last week Tala started talking about having a slumber party for her birthday on Friday the 3rd. Finally I made the invitations using her picture with the hibiscus flowers for the card. That was Tuesday. On Wednesday, I called Sheri from Delicacies by Sheri and shared the card with her for ideas on cupcakes instead of a cake. She suggested to make hibiscus flower cup cakes and some iced cookies. On Friday, I went to the party store to get some goodies and decorations. Guess what! I found a whole theme of hibiscus flower. Lucky Loli; that was not even planned.

She invited 5 girls; 4 showed up. They had fun. We watched Camp Rock 2. All 5 of us girls cramped on the sofa! And when the song "It's On" started, all girls and Moody stood in front of the TV singing along and dancing along. It was amazing; they knew all the lyrics and the dance moves... Kids of the 3rd millennium!

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After the movie, they decided to have a round of nail polishing. And I joined them :) I have one hand silver, the other glittery pink, one foot red, the other glittery burgundy. When they had their fill of that, we went back to the basement and watched Princess Diaries. I went to bed at around midnight and woke up later after 2 am to find them still chattering and playing in the basement. The girls liked having Moody around. Well, they know him from school. They kept saying that he made the party more fun!

On Thursday, I went for my 3rd round of chemo. It did affect me terribly this time. My fingers get numb, even my throat does when I have a cold drink. I was drowsy, disoriented and hated it. The doc switched me from Zoloft to another anti depressant that has dual action. It treats depression and helps with the early onset of menopause caused by chemo.

Friday morning I took the kids to the bus stop. That made them and me happy. It's a new year. I'm impressed with Tala and her organization of her school belongings. And Moody is on top with his homework and doing well. I hope they keep it up the whole year.

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When is it going to be Wednesday?!

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Oh, The Fun!

Butterfly @ the Dregias
I started today by paying the bills... a painful chore no matter what! After that, the plan was to tidy up Tala's room, the kids' bathroom, and the guest room. I told Sol that it would not take long; it's basically just organizing the closets. Could I have been any wronger--if there's such an expression?! By the time we finished, I was so depressed and still am. Oh, the junk, the trash, the mess... My goodness--I still can't get over it! I don't think I was that messy or that destructive when I was the kids' age. But, of course, that's for my parents to attest to. Part of the mess is because I have not laid a hand in those areas since I got sick--two freaking years!

Straightening the linen closet, I could not figure out what was clean and what was not. So, I'm in my umpteen laundry load now! Oh, what fun!

To add fuel to the fire, I finally got to make a round on my garden yesterday. What a disappointment. We had long hot dry period that coincided with my treatment, which prevented me from tending to the garden. The cucumbers are all on the ground, about 10 or so, rotten; the basil is all dead; the mint is all dry;  most of the flowers are not doing well at all; my beautiful double-stud rose bush is dry and not blooming anymore! And to add more fuel... Sol decided to spray the weed and it happened to be just the weed near my plants and flowers... Ugh!

I worked on the garden yesterday and today. I cut down a lot of the dry, dead stuff and fed the plants. Not sure if things will revive, but it's a try.

The only thing that makes me feel a little better is the photo above that I took on Friday. While driving into the garage from work, I spotted this beautiful butterfly fluttering by the flower pot by the front door. I managed this snapshot. Just beautiful!

Friday, August 27, 2010

New Beginnings!

This is the password hint in my computer. The kids have tried everything they could think of to figure out the password puzzle to no avail!

Yesterday was Tala's 8th birthday. She had a good time. Baked cupcakes with Nicole the day before and took them to school to share. Later we went to Toys'R'Us for gifts and ended up with dinner at Brio, It was delicious, Gorgonzola crusted lamb chops!


Monday, Generations dance classes started. It will be a busy year for us with Tala in 4 dances, Moody in 2, and Sol in 1. Wednesday, was the first day of school. The kids are happy and excited to be back... It's about time!

There might be new beginnings at work, I hope! And hopefully more good news with my health after this cycle of treatment. The chemo is getting to me!

This post reminds me of the first post on out blog when we started it in 2005, Here it is: First day... in many ways!

Everyday is a first day for something, and there's always a first to everything... So here goes to new beginnings! Keep guessing the passwords kiddos; you will never get it!

Friday, August 20, 2010

What Cancer Can't Do

Cancer is so limited,

It cannot cripple love,


It cannot shatter hope,


It cannot corrode faith,


It cannot eat away peace,


It cannot destroy confidence,


It cannot kill friendship,


It cannot shut out memories,


It cannot silence courage,


It cannot invade the soul,


It cannot reduce eternal life,


It cannot quench the Spirit,

Our greatest enemy is not disease but despair,



That makes us feel so deprived of divine love and guidance!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Welcome Back, Chaos!


Fruits from my garden!
School starts next week, August 25th. Generations starts next week, August 23rd. Tala's birthday is next week, August 26th. All day today, I've been filling forms: school forms, sports forms, dance forms, medical-leave forms, insurance forms; and populating the electronic calendar with all sorts of important days and dates. We will be at Generation 4 days a week this year. And, oh yeah, what do I do with my days? Nothing, I just sit on my bahookie ordering people. For example, I was ordering people all day long today and enjoyed hearing everyone give me the typical "Why me?" I finally got to stop ordering people and did something useful--for a change. I prepared myself a delicious falafel sandwich. And BTW, it's almost 2 pm and my last meal was around 8 am, and I am supposed to have about 6 meals a day to stop losing weight. Well, who cares... or more of who thinks it's important!

I'm spearheading a Eid potluck at work. I visited this middle eastern catering place yesterday to make arrangements and had my fill of tasting their yummy food. I could not resist but come back with loads of food.

It is time to revive Tibra. I asked Sol last night "How do I recruit people to help with Tibra? I need a website designer, a developer and an administrator. Do I make an announcement in the Libyan sites?" Here's how the conversation went--or more died:

Sol: No, it won't work.
Hannu: So, how do I do it?
So: Just let it go. You don't have the time and there's no input to Tibra from anywhere. You can't do it alone.
Hannu (eyes foggy with tears): But I can't let it go! It is my worth. Tibra is part of what I'm worth.

I stopped there when my eyes welled up and tears started streaming down! I hate it when I know there's so much I can do, but feel my hands are tied and need to depend on external factors to accomplish what I want. I'm disappointed how Tibra took to a halt with my ailment. I hate it that people still associate me with Tibra and still praise me for the work I do through Tibra, even though I have not done anything in 3 years! Maybe Tibra has a guardian angel that will reach out to me before it's too late?!

The other day at the James', I sat across a huge sign with Bernie Speyer's picture and his quote ‎"I'm having a good time with life. I've learned to accept my role, find pleasure in my blessings and take advantage of my opportunities." Bernie is the #1 famous Buckeye fan... Real famous! You may read more about him here: For more than 65 years, the Buckeye football team could count on Bernie Speyer’s support. Today, Bernie counts on the Buckeyes.I love his quote so much that I posted it on my Facebook and on my office door at work. Partly because it resonates with me, and partly because some people from work and outside wrote me off already as dying if not dead. Some people come across that way, even though they have the good intentions and just trying to be nice and sympathize. But I don't need sympathy, and I definitely do not need people to be nice to me, or to treat me differently, because I am sick. Sick people are humans, they make mistakes, they could be nice at times, and they could be as mean as could be at other times. If I was a jerk to someone, I want them to still consider me a jerk and hate my guts unless something I did or said convinced them otherwise; not because something happened to me. Sick or not, I am who I am!

I repeat after Bernie...

I continue to find pleasure in my blessings and take advantage of my opportunities.

And I will continue!

Kudos to Bernie, Kudos to me... Yes, I believe in me! Repeat after me...

Monday, August 02, 2010

"You Gave Me Life!"

The last couple of days brought us more challenges to face and deal with. The first concerns my health, the other is some turmoil in my branch in Lebanon that we had been asked to resolve. I've been thinking about the trend in my life lately... It's so rich and busy, if you want to call it that! And I've been thinking about Sol and how his life turned 180 degrees from before he met me... and my baggage.

We were having our evening talk yesterday, and I was sharing with him what I felt. I told him that I don't know what to say, could I say I'm sorry for my ailment, I'm sorry for having kids from a previous marriage? Of course not! How could I be sorry for something out of my control, and how could I be sorry for having Anas and Juju. But still, I feel bad and I feel guilt that I brought all this onto him. And I said, "Look what I brought you. I'm sick, you have to take care of me, the kids, and everything. And you have to deal with the problems arising from my past." He answered me, "You brought me life!"

I love you, Suliman Ahmed Dregia... You gave me life!

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Things That Make Life Fun!

Tala is at her friend Hannah's for a sleepover. She left yesterday and will be coming back today. Her room is empty... I found myself checking it out yesterday after I got back from work and first thing when I woke up this morning. Moody misses her--on his own way. He was flipping through the TV channels last night and said that he misses Tala because she would be yelling at him for flipping through the channels! I say he misses the feedback loop and the enjoyment of success at bugging someone! What is it with men/boys and constantly flipping through channels? Hmmm? Some research needs to be done in that area. Tala finished her cheerleading camp this week, and Moody is starting sports camp next week.

The kids are enjoying their summer which is coming to an end soon... We need to start buying school supplies and not leave it for the last minute like we do every year. By then, we'd have a difficult time finding everything they need. The stores are already stocked up with school supplies.

Moody decided he wants to do dance at Generations this year. He refused last year (boy's mentality) but actually missed being part of the recital and all the fun so he decided to join this year. Tala wants to do Step One which is competition dancing. That will require a lot of commitment on her end and I hope she can make it. It will be good for her from the physical activity perspective and also the discipline that comes along with participating in such things. And yes, we are definitely signing Sol up for the Father's Dance this year... he he he that would be lots of fun!

Mentioning Sol, he's been in pain for the last 2 days. On Thursday, he twisted his back emptying the pool in the yard... Poor old man! And talking about backs, I've been having back pain for a couple of months. I was able to correlate it to the fact that I sit with my legs crossed all the time. I bought me a footrest for the office, and it worked. No back pain till around 5 PM. That reminded me of my days at the bank in Lebanon. My manager, Lamin Shallouf bless his soul, was so generous with his staff. He provided us with all the comforts we need in the office, including footrests, monitor filters, etc. Here, you have to buy your own even a space heater to make your office temperature tolerable in the summer!

My nephew, Mido, Nahla's son, had a surgery this week. He got his tonsils removed (I used to call them utensils ha ha ha) and a hernia repaired. Poor little Mido. He's doing well though. When I asked him "What did the doctor do to you?" He said "Ta7leel" (blood work or tests). Oh, and he refers to Tala as the butterfly. After seeing this picture of her, he is convinced that she is a butterfly... fluttering by. I can't agree more... She is my butterfly that eases my worries and pain away!

Nahla told me today that my voice and way of talking is exactly like Mom's. It's funny when you're younger, you wish you end up nothing like your mother, but you reach a certain age and it makes you feel good to be told that you look like her or sound like her!

I'm compiling my bucket list--in my head. I need to write it down and start implementing it and crossing things off. Oh, the other day, Moody woke up, came downstairs to the kitchen, said good morning to me and then added, "Mom, you know how people have a will?" At first, I thought he meant well. When I asked him what about it. He said, "You know they write the will so when they die people will know what to do with their things. Are you going to write a will?" Pure, innocent, practical... That's my boy! lol I told him that I was actually talking about it to Sol the other day and told him that I need to write a will... I will, very soon.

Last weekend was hot and humid. I managed to convince the gang to go for a hike in Sharon Woods. We did. We four walked the outer 4-mile trail, about 6.5 km. We were all sweaty and hot, but it felt so so good! Wrapped it up with cold showers and watermelon.

I submitted a short-term disability claim yesterday at work. I'm going back under intense chemo for 3 days every 2 weeks for about 8 weeks. So I'll be taking those 3 days off from work. Some people tell me that I should quit my job and just enjoy life. I find it hard to explain that I love my job, it's part of my life and it makes me feel good.

I stepped out the front door first thing this morning to check out my flowers--a daily ritual. I was greeted by a flock of birds moving between the cherry tree by the house and the tree in the middle of the front yard and chirping away! It was a delightful sound... a delightful good-morning wish! Here's a picture of a huming bird I caught the other day hovering over the flowers. We'd seen it more than once around the same flower plant. So beautiful!

I miss my parents, my sisters, and my brothers... I really really want to see them and be with them again!

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Summer Breeze!

I decided that there could never be a favorite season of the year. I used to flip-flop and change my preference with the dawn of every season declaring it my favorite. So to be fair, I hereby declare all seasons to be equal... or equally favorite, unique, pleasant, refreshing and I love them four! This summer has been very pleasurable... Brought us so many pleasures and heartwarming gifts.

Walid, my bro, had a girl in June 27th. Him and Manal delegated naming her to me. I felt honored and privileged and... loved! But, there was worry with that as well. I worried that Manal might have a name that she wanted for her first daughter. I worried that they might not like the name I pick. They insisted, so I offered them the name Nissma which means Breeze in Arabic. Nissma has been one of my favorite girl's names. It became more so after coming to the US and feeling and enjoying the breeze we get almost year round in Ohio (except for the frigid winter of course!)

So, Nissma she is. And that's what she brought with her. For a whole week after she was born, we were blessed with a delightful, pleasant breeze.

Being the gift-giving lover I am, I got her a pearl set--her birth stone. I mailed it to Ayman who was going to Libya before she turned 1 week old. Even though the package was guaranteed to be delivered in 2 days, it did not make it to Germany till after 16 days and Ayman was already in Libya! Oh well, it will eventually make it to Libya.

Another important milestone this summer was Moody's first camping experience. He went camping with the boy scouts for 4 nights and 5 days. Sol was stressing out worrying that Moody was not ready and that some things would go wrong. I did not. I kept telling him that he'll be fine and that he'll only learn things from that experience. Last Saturday was family day at the camp. Moody came running to greet us; he was so happy and excited. He hugged Tala and was picking her up off the ground... basically swept her off her feet lol. Each pack performed a skit and then adults and kids competed in archery for a watermelon. No, Sol did not win the watermelon! All the kids were happy and excited to have their families, but by the time the families were leaving there was a major meltdown... The boys wanted to go home with their families. We thought next time they better make family day the last day of camp instead of during camp. Sweet boys!

Another major event worth documenting is Tala's doing. She decided to fix her eyebrows and she literally shaved a lot of them off with the scissors. When asked why she did it, she said "Women fix their eyebrows!" When I told Sol, he started getting worked up about it. So I asked him, "Remind me, who in your family did that?" He answered, "Seddig (his bro) and his son Samy." I said "It's genetic, runs in the family!" Case closed!

What else? Oh, the garden is flourishing and is looking--and smelling--stunningly beautiful to say the least. The hibiscus bloomed gorgeous humongous pink flowers as large as Tala's head! I'm definitely planting more next year. The stargazers bloomed this week, another must-plant-more next summer! The veggies are growing like crazy. The cucumber plant is spreading in all directions and holding on to other plants around it. We have to keep cutting it down. Tomatoes, peppers, eggplants, and corn are full of fruits. The basil, lavender and mint are so fragrant and full; they please the eyes and the nostrils. Tala is experimenting with making a perfume out of their leaves.

Baba has been happy and excited recently. He received the first 2 copies of his new book. I encouraged him to start the next one and suggested it to be his biography. He's had a rich life that shaped and spanned many major events and turning points in Libya's history. He was influential and instrumental in shaping the banking and the oil sectors in Libya. I do hope he documents those events in a book.

Thinking how to end this ranting, I realized that I did not mention my health. Well, no need... I am happy, feeling healthy, and have abundance of bliss from everyone and everything around me! My happiness will be complete the day I get to share these things with my parents, siblings, and their kids here at my home.

I know I have left out a lot of other fun and not-so-much-fun moments worth mentioning. But time is of the essence and I need to go live those moments. One question lingers: What should I cook today for the week? Sol is taking the kids to Arabic class, so for the next 2 hours, it would be peace and quiet, or boredom and empty house... depends how to look at it!

May Nissma be a source of delight, freshness, pleasantness, and happiness to everyone around her!

Friday, July 09, 2010

Spring, Summer, Science and... Gender!

Summer is moving along reasonably well. Ahmed went to his cub scout camp on Wednesday, along with a few hundred other kids, and he comes home this Sunday. We all miss him, and we're hopeful and happy for him. But a lot has been happening, and I will try to log some events from the past couple of months. In hind sight, I guess the only connecting theme in this post is science.

In May this year, Take Your Kids to Work Day fell on the 19th. Our elementary schools do not actually "recognize" TYKWD, they leave it until middle school when the kids are a little older and more receptive to career related education, etc. So the school required that students missing school for TYKWD turn in forms reporting on what they learned, and signed by the parents and their work supervisors. My kids love the idea of going to Dad's or Mom's work, in part because of curiosity and having fun, but also (in my case, at least) because they cherish the opportunity to tell on Dad to his coworkers. But, along with telling everyone how Dad once slept in his daughter's girly bed, and that there is a picture of it on the blog, they also managed to have fun on campus. We melted and cast some aluminum ingots, went to an exhibit for rocks and fossils, and had horrible food at the student union...


The big hit on TYKWD was the "golden fly." We looked at a house fly in the scanning electron microscope, after it had been coated with gold so the electrons would conduct away... We had help from a colleague of mine whose last name is Begg. For the rest of the day, Tala kept referring to "Mr. Bug" :-) Tala has a way with words. This is the one who defined a nap as lower-case sleep. The other day she joked, "Does ground beef come from the ground?" Hana calls it "her logic," and takes genetic credit for it. I think it is the poetry genes she inherited from a certain side of her family... :-)


June starts with Moody's birthday on the 2nd, school lets out and summer begins. This year, we enrolled the kids in a couple of camps. The first was a week-long day camp called Camp Invention. The kids bring in items from home that can be recycled and/or cannibalized and converted into other things. People took in all sorts of stuff, old DVD players, other electronics, bottles and other plastic items, paper boxes, you name it! The kids spent the week taking them apart and building other things out of them, for a specified purpose. For example, they worked on building a manifold of pipes and gadgets to transport water from one place (a "lake") to another. They also made things like models of "blood vessels" out of a pair of old CDs and some colored liquid in between. When the CDs are squeezed between fingers, the liquid is displaced, and when released, the liquid flows back but its front breaks up into small, branched "capillaries." It is actually a cool example of a phenomenon called morphological instability and Hele-Shaw cells, but "blood vessels" is a much more attractive name. The kids had a blast, really. Moody's group had to build devices and make up an advertisement to sell them. Welcome to America, where at the end of the day everybody's gotta make a buck!

Ahmed the double-digit man! This year he turned 10. A whole decade has passed since he came out of Mom's belly squinting his eyes, his lips twisted into a "whereda... did you people come from?" kind of expression. Last year, I wrote that the big interest of 9-year-olds was who had a crush on whom. This year, the question of the Spring was, "Dad, how are babies made? Giggle giggle!" OK, so that's the "natural flow" of things! The questions and giggles continued, then I started to hear their own theories like "Babies are made when grownups take off their shirts and wrestle each other." Aayokay! That was it, I sat them down and tried to level with them. I said, the male deposits a sperm which unites with female ovum and forms the baby. "But Daaaaaad!" Tala cried, "Don't tell us with scientific words, use normal words." And the questions continued... They had to hear me say that babies are made by sex. Then, Moody ran to his room for this encyclopedic type of book we got a few years back, called The Book of Questions and Answers. At the end of the book there is a section on reproduction. Ahmed knew exactly where the pages were, and he presented it to me. He let me glance at it, then asked, "So is this pretty much the whole process?" I said, yes. Then, in his present-day politically correct speech, he asked, "Can the same gender have babies?" I asked what he meant, as I quickly dismissed fearful thoughts that the question of the Spring will someday be about who's "having gender" with whom... Ahmed elaborated, "You know, like gays?" And just as I got myself ready to discuss the science of artificial insemination and cloning, my wonderful wife jumped in and cut me off. Shew! Life with kids can have its moments, and it will without wait.

Tomorrow the family gets to visit Moody at camp and have dinner together. We have not had any direct contact with him since he left. I got an e-mail update from the leaders, but that's all. We'll leave him there to spend the last night, which will probably mean very little sleep, and lots of fun.The boys deserve it, after a few days of trekking in 90+ degree weather and muggy nights sleeping in tents.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Letters to Baba... رسائل لبابا... 4

!
Today, we celebrate Father's day. It usually falls on the third Sunday of June in 55 countries and on other days elsewhere. Father's Day was first observed on June 19, 1910 through the efforts of Sonora Smart Dodd of Spokane, Washington. In 1913, a bill was introduced in Congress to accord national recognition of Father's Day. In 1966, President Lyndon Johnson issued the first presidential proclamation honoring fathers, designating the third Sunday in June as Father's Day. Finally, six years later, in 1972, President Nixon signed it into law making Father's Day a permanent national holiday.

So here goes to a much-loved, very-respected father of all... Happy Father's Day, may all your days be filled with happiness and you surrounded by children and grandchildren.

Now, to follow up on your last letter, you forgot to list the blessings of our parents as one of the most important possessions and blessings in life. I know my ramblings and writing about my feelings and what I'm going through is not easy for you and Mama. I know that it worries you a lot. But what can I do? I need to share it with those closest to me; I want to feel I am not alone carrying the burden all by myself. Selfishness? Maybe! But it's the selfishness of a child seeking comfort and support from the parents to help ease the load.

I was reading your recent letter and Tala peeked over my shoulder and asked what that was. When I told her it was a letter from Baba, she said "Oh, he's your pen pal! I hope Daddy will be my pen pal when I grow up." We are setting the trend for the father-daughter relationship to the offspring.

Moody commented the other day, in reference to your emails to him and birthday card, that "I am the only one among my friends that his grandpa calls him 'my friend'!" What a beautiful association between a grandfather and a grandson! Thank you for that... sincerely!

You can probably tell by now that I'm in a better shape than I sounded in my previous letter. That's the way of life... nothing remains the same--thank goodness for that! I will make sure to share my good days with you as well as my bad days. It won't be fair otherwise. I just hope and pray that my bad days do not cast a shadow over your days, but rather, bring my direction good thoughts and prayers from you and Mama.

At times, I lament on my life and what I have and have accomplished, and I couldn't be happier or more content. As you said, I did so well in my education and my career, and most of all in building a beautiful family the love and company of which is priceless! There were bumps along the road... many, all the time. But what is life without bumps? Those bumps only enriched my life further and turned me into who I am today. I wish I could have spared you some of the hurdle of those bumps but I guess that's inevitable for you are my parents.

These days, I'm enjoying the beautiful weather as much as I could. I took on gardening again after abandoning it for a couple of years. It is very therapeutic, relaxing, and beautiful. The fragrance of the flowers is all around; you just need to open your nostrils and be receptive. The chirping of the birds reminds me how it was the first thing Anas and Juju noticed when they came here and how Mama notices it when I talk to her on the phone from the garden. Things we take for granted and have become a background and part of our environment. Things we don't notice until an outsider to our environment comments on them. My home and my garden are heaven on Earth for me!

I always picture you with the hose in our house in Benghazi when I'm watering the flowers. I still remember the apricot tree that we used to gather "glue" from, and the grapevines that we used to climb on. Yesterday, I planted a hibiscus bush. It reminds me of the big tree we had in our house in Garden City; the one with the big red flowers and lots of ants. I will send you pictures once it blooms. The images here are from my garden. Click on any of the pictures to see more photos. Wish you were here to enjoy it with us!

Love and best wishes for a wonderful Father's Day!
!

Sunday, June 13, 2010

I'm Scared!

Why is it that everything seems to be falling apart around me? I look fine, energetic, and even feel happy and healthy. But at times I question what I'm really feeling. Is it all pretence? Am I trying to fool myself and those around me? I am so confused and feel like swinging back and forth in my emotional and mental state. I'm on a roller coaster and I hate it and want to get off of it!

What to do?

I have abundance of information about a diet to help cure cancer and other things that have been tried and proven to work in Maria's case, my sister-in-law. But I can't get myself to start on it. It seems everything requires a lot of work, effort, and thinking. I don't feel like doing anything anymore or committing to anything!

My skin is still terribly irritated and not healing yet. On Tuesday, I had foot cramps which I've been getting frequently. I stood to walk it off, walked few steps and felt dizzy. I told Sol I was blacking out and leaned on the stairs rail. Next thing I know, Sol was tapping me on the face calling "Hannu, Hannu...", him and Tala lifting me up and Moody trying to call 911. Apparently I passed out. It was the first time in my life I pass out. It worries me; do I have a brain tumor? Was it a blood clot? Was it, was it...? I should call the doctor, but I've had my fill of bad news...

What to do?

The support I need is for the ones I love to be around me, next to me, and take care of me... I'm tired! I don't want to talk, I don't want to think, I don't want to worry about a thing, I just want to rest and feel loved and cared for... and on my own way. But what I get is phone calls, and I don't know how to convey that the phone calls, though nice to have, are sometimes a source of stress. The timing, the questions I have to answer, the updates I have to give, the questions I get when calls go unanswered. The never-ending demands around me, the kids' never-stop questions, the decisions I constantly have to make, the things I have to monitor and keep track of... Can't I just be left alone?

What to do... What to do...? All I want is peace and serenity... That's what Hana means, but will I ever have them?
!

Sunday, June 06, 2010

If I Had a Pet Dinosaur

If I had a pet dinosaur
By Tala Dregia


If I had a pet dinosaur, I would name it Cookie. It would be a pterosaurs. He likes to eat cookies. He would sleep in the backyard in his club house.

He's really funny. I play with him every day. I ride him to school and from school.

He has a long beak and medium sized eyes and a small head and large wings. I love him and he loves me.

P.S. He likes it when you mind your own beezwax!
  !

Saturday, June 05, 2010

رسائل لبابا... 3

Hana, Abdelrahim and Safia, Westerville, OH, October 31, 2008
Good morning, Baba.

This is an article I came a cross about how cancer changed the daughter-parent relationship. It is a topic I always thought about since you came to stay by my side after my diagnosis. Seeing the pain and helplessness you and Mama had to deal and cope with pained me more than anything else. Actually, most times it hurt me and worried me more than my cancer diagnosis. I wanted to share this with you and Mama hoping it will ease your pain, all of our pain, and help us cope with the situation and understand the emotional turmoil involved.

Maybe one day I will write my own experience. I'm just not ready for it yet as things are still jumbled in my head and my life... One thing at a time!

I love you both!

Hannu

Read the article here: Mum and Dad helped me survive cancer Blogger Lisa Lynch and her parents tell Viv Groskop how her breast cancer changed their adult-child relationship...

Sunday, May 30, 2010

رسائل لبابا... 2

عبدالرحيم و هناء، بروكسل 1967
Re: تحياتي

From: Hannu Naas

To: Abdulrahim Naas

صباحك صباح الخير والأنوار يا بابا،


كم أسعدتني رسالتك التي استصبحت بها اليوم. والله كلنا مقصرين معاك لو تأتي للحق. للأسف مشاغل الحياة تلهي الناس وتضبب الرؤية لديهم عما هو مهم بالفعل. ربما ما مررت به أخيراً فتح عينيّ على حقائق عدة عن الحياة وأولوياتها، وكما يقولون بالإنجليزي ربما هذا هو البطانة الفضية لهذه التجربة الصعبة. الحقيقة هي أن قيمة حياة الإنسان لا تفاس بعدد السنين التي يحياها ولكن بعمله في هذه الحياة وما قدمه لنفسه ولمن حوله وللبشرية بصفة عامة. يختلفون البشر على الدين لدرجة قتل بعضهم البعض، ويغفلون عن أن الدين ما هو إلا تهذيب وأخلاق مهما أختلفوا في إسم الرب أو طريقة العبادة والإتصال به.


المهم، من وجهة نظري، أفضل أن تكون حياتي قصيرة نسبياً ولكن غنية بالعلم والمعرفة والعطاء والتجارب والتكرس لما فيه النفع للبشر، فهكذا تقاس حياة العظماء... والحمد لله أنني ولدت لأب مثلك لم يبخل علي بأي من هذه الأشياء وهو الذي وصلني لما أنا فيه اليوم من نضوج عقلي وذهني و طموح للأفضل دائماً. حقاً كنت--وستظل دوماً--أفضل معلم لي في هذه الحياة. أعرف أنه هناك الكثير والكثير في جعتبك لتعلمنا إياه، ولا أريد أن أهدر هذا المصدر بقل التواصل والإهتمام. للأسف مجتمعنا ليس بهذه الدرجة من الرقي ليعي أهمية من مثلك في بناء المجتمع والأجيال الجديدة وخاصة بما في جعبتكم من خبرات وتجارب في هذه المرحلة من دورة الحياة والتي هي مهمة لأتمام حلقة التطور البشري.


والله مش عارفة ما الذي جعلني أتفلسف لهذه الدرجة على الصبح، بس رسالتك جد أفرحتني وأطلقت العنان لهذه الدردشات، وأعجبني كثيراً أنها بخط يدك، بصمة مهمة للإنسان معرضة للمحي من قبل التكنولوجيا إذا تغاضينا عنها. المهم سعيدة أنك لديك هذه الأهتمامات ولديك المجال لشبعها، وأنشالله لا تمل أو تكل من القراءة وتتبع الأخبار والمستجدات في عالمنا هذا والأستمرار في رحلة التطوير الذاتي.


نهارك مبارك إنشالله وللحديث بقية،


هناء

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Flower Power!

I got up around 7 am today. Had my Everything bagel (upper half, toasted) with whipped cream cheese and coffee with milk while checking my email. Then I started cooking tajeen, peas stew, and rice with chick peas, cleaned around the house a bit, paid some bills... And in between all of that, I finished loads of laundry including that we brought from Hocking Hills' trip last weekend, and the kids nagging wanting to play in the sprinkler.

Once I finished my chores, the three of us got in the car heading to the nursery to get some flowers and plants. Sol got into the driveway as we were getting out of the garage. We left Sol to maw the grass, ordered asked him to prepare the flower pots for when we come back, and went our way. We loaded a cart with beautiful flowers and potting soil and came home. I was exhausted! I let the kids join Sol in the yard... Of course, they immediately turned the sprinkler on and got in it!--and I lied on the sofa to rest some.

Later, Tala and I spent some time planting the flowers. There's no better than getting the hands dirty with soil! I missed gardening. For years, my garden was beautiful and I enjoyed caring for it, but not the last couple of summers. I think it would have helped me if I continued, but well, everything takes its time. It's amazing how relaxing gardening could be, digging, planting, arranging, watering... I should get back into it even if it's only potted flowers. Let the power of flower take over :)

It was a beautiful day and we got a lot of beautiful things done... including Bazeen. We have not had it for a while; it was good! Oh, and I got a beautiful rose bush called The Double Knockout Rose to plant by the mailbox, I meant for Sol to plant by the mailbox. It blooms bright dense red roses from spring to first frost. And yes, Tala lost another tooth while eating anise cookie (kaaka) so a visit from Shamsa is looming!